how do make a condom fly around the room? Piss it off!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could walk into the mall and kill hundreds of innocent lives and leave thousands wounded.

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A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some water. The bartender replies: "Sorry, we don't have any." The man responds: "Sorry, I'm drunk." He walks out.

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Knock Knock The occupant uses their peephole and realizes it is a familiar face then proceeds to let them in.

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Terry has ebola

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What does Yoko Ono say while rehearsing her song before a concert? She gives directions to the band.

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Elvis presley was taking a poop and couldnt poop cause he was dead.

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What happened when the man got into the taxi? The driver shot him 17 times in the chest and ran away

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Did you know Helen Keller had a swingset? Neither did she.

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A squirrel walks up to a tree and says "I forgot to store my nuts for winter now I am dead". Ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead.

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Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, And if one alcoholic should one day stroll along: There'll be no more bottles hanging on the wall.

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Whats circular and black? a black circle.

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Just got back from the corner store. Bought 3 corners.

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How do you teach another person's son to ride a bike? You don't. Let his real parents teach him to ride a bike.

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Who took the cookie from the cookie jar? Your mom

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Why is my lawn red? Because i forgot to tell my neighbor's children to move

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Why was billy sad? He was being brutally hacked to peices behind his garage

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Three guys went hunting on a rainy day. The first guy slipped.

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how do you keep a monkey from stealing your banana? shoot it

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what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

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Q) What did the farmer say who'd lost his tractor? A) Where's my tractor?

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How many Mexicans eating a Taco in California does it take to fix a lightbulb? 1

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whats worse than finding a worm in your penis having your wife bite of your penis and die from an infecction

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horses are burgers now ive got the flu watch out tescos because im gonna sue

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops