Little Timmy walks into an ice-cream store. He dies on impact.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A Blonde, Brunnette, and red head are on the beach. They find a sand gene and are each granted a wish. The Brunnette wishes for a yot. The Red Head wishes to never again get sun burn. The Blonde wishes for more sun. The world is overtaken and insinerated by the sun. An alien spaceship finds the Red head in a space suit floating around randomly when they ask how she survived she says "I don't sun burn"

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what's worse than both your parents dying? finding out that they were hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and they left you nothing, including the house, oh and you have to be out by the end of the week, the bank is ready to re-possess the house, especially since your parents haven't paid the mortgage for 8 months. oh, by the way, happy birthday! written by KA

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why do blondes where knickers? to keep their ankles warm

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Where do you find a dog with no legs ? Same place you left it ...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call it when a cigarette is brown instead of white? A cigarette that is or has been damp so that the nicotine was able to bleed into the paper and dye it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was strapped to the first monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A rabbit hops into a bar and sits on a stool, he then asks for a carrot, the barman didn't have a clue what he said because it was a rabbit so gives him a carrot to be generous. The bar door slams open and animal control put him in a cage and take him away. The moral of the story is that you should never let rabbits in your bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock knock. With the invention of doorbells, knocking has become almost obsolete.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Edward Smith had started telling a long rambling joke when William McMaster Murdoch cut him off with "I don't like where this is headed".

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Yo mama so fat she makes blind kids cry

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Why did the boat sink I shot a missile at it

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Many men trespass on my property to taste my milk based beverages. They insist that it's quality is superior to yours. I could teach you how to make such milk based beverages, but I would have to levy a fee.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

why is the sky blue? - because you have herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and gives a heavy sigh. The bartender asks, "What's wrong?" The guy says, "Nothing."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's the color of the sky when an airplane takes off? Blue. What are you, stupid?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man walked into his house He saw his wife having an affair with his teenage Gardner

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did michael jackson do when i swore at him? nothing he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Q: What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench? A: A bus stop

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is similar between a horse and a zebra? - If you chopped of there heads, they would die.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops