An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

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Halt! Who goes there?! It is I, Prince Ali Ba Ba of Yo mamas house. To what do I owe this pleasure of your kindness? I come to you with gifts, relics, and spices. All these can be yours if the price is right. Surely there must be a mistake here. How do you go about by and by without a horse? Are you who you say you are? English mothafucka do you speak it?!!! What is this mothafucka do you speak of? Say what again, I dare you! I double dare you mothafucka say what one more goddddam time. Oh wait stop, hammer time...

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Why was the black guy in jail He was a jail guard

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''Hey, this is absolutely true. There's an organization now called 'Draft Dick Cheney for President, 2012.' Yeah. Good luck with that. They tried to draft Dick Cheney five times during Vietnam. That didn't work.

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what did the left nut say to the right nut? The guy above us is a real dick huh?

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Why was this German dude's water bill so high this month? Because there were thirty dead Jews in his shower. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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What did the golfer do when he hit a shot with a lot of pressure on him into the water? He dropped another ball and continued on, for golf is a civilized game and bad manners are prohibited.

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A man was arguing with his wife over the phone at a trainstation. She threatened to leave him he did not stop his physical abuse. The man became so mad he hung up the phone. He then noticed a blind man was grinning at the overheard discussion. The husband walked over and pushed the blind man on the tracks. He died

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Why did the stranger sexually assault the woman? --Because he was a sexual predator..

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what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? cancer

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When I was just a little kid, my daddy lest the house and we all joined him to wherever he wanted to live.

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Hello, my name is John, and you are reading this paragraph. Find the mistake...

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Chuck Norris Dies.

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What do you call a girl who disappears on the 3 May 2007? Madeleine McCann

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What's white and can't climb trees? A fridge

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what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy? want to suck dicks? (cause that's what gays do)

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7+5=12

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What did the flower say to the flowerpot? Nice weather we're having

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How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb? It's COMPLETELY circumstantial.

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What does a duck have in common? The further it flies the more.

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There's a cat, a dog, a rat and a goat... I don't know how the goat got in there?

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Whats worse than 20 dead babies in a garbage can? A: The smell

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?  Getting raped by a 10 foot scorpion.

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Last words of a redneck - "Hold my beer and watch this"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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