Knock Knock Who's there? I am I am who? I am here to see you

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How many gays does it take to change a lightbulb? It's COMPLETELY circumstantial.

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Theaters say silence is golden... Trap silence in a jar, make millions.

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Why did your mom fall off the swing? I shot him.

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Panda walks into a restaurant with gun ready to eat, shoot and leave to finish a really good grammar joke, but before he can eat, Animal Control tranquilize him and seize his gun. So all he can do is leave unconscious. Meanwhile someone takes enjoyment in slowly burning the dictionary entry for "Panda".

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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Your mama so stupid She has a 3rd grade education

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What did Timmothy get when he got back from his vacation in a tropical destination? Malaria.

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What did the virgin say to the car salesmen? Hello, I'm really interested in buying a car today.

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Knock knock Who's there? (Punch the listner in the face)

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roses are red, violets are are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you

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How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

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What happened when the black man approached a dinosaur? Nothing, for dinosaurs were eradicated from the face of the earth 135 million years ago.

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Q: What's the best part of having sex with twenty-seven year olds? A: By age twenty-seven the average person has reached sexual maturity, and has also developed mentaly enough to understand, and subsequently process the intimate nature of an adult relationship.

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How did the hairless cat brush its hair? It could not, it was hairless. Also, cats do not have opposable thumbs, making it near impossible to do such a thing.

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What did the deaf person see? He was blind too, so he didn't see anything.

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Q. A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide? A. The librarian hands the man a book on suicide

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Knock Knock: There is no one in here! GTFO! Okay, yes sir or mam Moral: I told you there is no one here, gtfo already!

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Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

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In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

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Your a christain on a lovely vacation with your family a querr waalks by. What do you do? you push the queer of the edge.

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A black, Kenyan man enters a race. He comes in second to last as he didn't practice as much as the other contestants.

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her repeatedly in the face and then slit her throat.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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