life is like a box of chocolates, it sucks if you have diabetes

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So a hispanic man and a black man jump from a tree, which one hits the ground first? The hispanic man, the rope caught the black man.

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cerleb i wrote the one about melons!

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A man invented a time machine that didn't work. Because he wasn't a scientist, he was an ice cream man.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? You pour cold water on her head or make a loud noise nearby.

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Yo mama is so fat she has a gym membership and a diet plan to lose weight

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why couldnt the african child eat enough food? he didnt have a mouth.

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What do you call 50 jewish, homeless men peeing into a river? Pollution.

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is it normal to be sexualy atracted to numbers?

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A polar bear and a seal are sitting on an ice floe. The polar bear looks at the seal and says, "RAWRRRRRRRRRGGG" and then kills and eats him.

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A man is taking a shower in jail where he drops the soap. He proceeds to pick the soap up and cleans the rest of his body, puts his orange jumpsuit on and returns to his cell.

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I got a new jacket. The jacket had real cotton inside the sleeves. The next day my new jacket was gone, but the one i bought yesterday wasn't.

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Why was the asian a bad driver? Because while he was driving a leprechaun was punching him in the face.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from the slaughter house.

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the holocaust

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Haulocaust Whats worse that the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

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What happened to the guy who took more lineage then he should have? He went to sleep.

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar. Steven Hawking is disabled from the neck down. I lied.

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A priest, a jew, and a pirate walk into a bar. An exchange of dialogue occurs with the bartender and hilarity ensues.

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Why did the skeleton cross the road? It didn't. Anyone who would believe that is a complete moron.

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Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

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"Hello, is this the Krusty Krab?" "No, this is Patrick."

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What's one plus one? 2. Two legit, two legit to quit, hey, hey... What's one plus two? 3. Easy as abc, 123, abc, baby you and me. What's one plus three? 4. hes a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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