What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his arse? A very odd man

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Elephants can't jump higher than the tallest building. You know why? It's because buildings can't jump.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

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What did the soldier get for his birthday? Shot in the face.

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Why can Randy Moss Jump so high? Because he trained to jump high.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? What chicken? That one! Grandma, that's a hobo. Put your glasses on.

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When life hands me beef, I make lemon stew.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, That's what they tell me because I'm blind.

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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What did the sleepy man say to his wife? I'm sleepy.

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Why did the black guy cross the road? He didn't because he forgot to precede crossing the busy street with caution; therefore he was critically injured and then placed in a hospital.

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if you have 5 oranges and 15 ice cubes, how many pancakes can you fit on the roof? red, because aliens dont wear shirts.

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Day turn night. Dreaming is now true . Turn on your flashlight, slenderman is behind you.

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I hope the Angels win the pennant No pun intended

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A black man, a white man, and an Asian man walk into a bar. The black man says, "My wife died in a terrible book-keeping accident.". The white man says, "My wife died in a terrible lightbulb-sorting accident.". The Asian says, "My wife died in a terrible geography accident.". Soon after, the bar was hit by a missile, promptly killing the three men.

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What didn't the man piss on the dead baby? Because that is just morally wrong. Instead, he reported it to the police and aided the cause of justice.

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He who laughs last...is not a laughing owl because they're extinct.

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A fish swims up your penis...

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Q: what's worse than getting the flu? A: getting cancer

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Why couldn't the white guy tell the two asians apart? They were identical twins.

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Irish sobriety

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why are Asian people bad drivers? Coincidental cases of blurred vision.

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I was eating a sandwich when someone came up to me and said "sharing is caring" So I gave him a grenade He asked "where's the pin" I said " I pulled it for you" This is not an anti joke

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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