How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail it to the ground

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class is canceled. My professor died.

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Why did the man have no friends? He mudered and ate someone in '86 and is rotting in prison.

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Why couldnt Hellen Keller drive? Because vehicles werent invented yet.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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What did the archangel Michael say to Jesus? "Hello, Jesus."

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what would your nan do if she was alive right now? scratching the top of the coffin.

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Why did the clown have a heart attack? He had long term heart problems.

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At the Asthma hotline. Caller: Aahhh aahhh *gasp* *gasp* I need you... Woman: *slams phone* DAMN I WISH THESE PERVERTS WOULD STOP CALLING!

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Knock knock Who's there Done Done who? Done with waiting out here, let me in you dick!

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Why didn't the blonde hook up with the business man? Because he was a raging alcoholic and a severe smoker who was incapable of looking after his 3 kids and he has gone to jail 3 times for public nudity and beating his wife.

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Where were guinea pigs created? Probably in Guinea Land or something.

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Q: If you're driving down the street in your canoe and the wheels fall of, how many pancakes does it take to shingle your dog's garage? A: 27, because bananas have no bones.

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How Dow you make a baby stop crying?? Hit it with a brick By smash45

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What's the difference between a Christian and a Jew? One believes in Jesus, the other doesn't.

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An American man walks to Mc Donalds.

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What did the big traffic light say to the little traffic light? It didnt it's a traffic light.

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my goldfish never writes me back when i send him letters

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A horse walks into a bar the barmam asks why the long face The horse replies he's suffering from depression after his family was killed in a car crash and he has now turned to alcohol to sort his sorrows

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What did the black kid get for christmas? Nothing, he doesn't celebrate christmas

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An over weight naked black guy walks into a bank and says "give me all your money!"

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Knock-Knock Who's there? The UPS guy dumb ass

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Q: If your 17 year-old-daughter is a drug addict, how many cartwheels are you going to have to do to make it to Georgia? A: The French Revolution, because your grandmothers facebook shows an 11 year-old selling Concords to a green alien, which can only mean that over 600 people watch porn daily.

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How man people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 an electrician

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops