What is worse than a papercut? Losing your legs in Vietnam.

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A man walked into a bar. I shot him

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Pineapple.

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Just aids, and gonnoreah, and... Jk, I wont type it here, and I am not "suffering" from nothing, its a condition, it can be a struggle, and yeah it could turn fatal, on the bright side its not contagious (its genetics, flawed genetics) but on the bright side, so far chances are greater of me dying from a giant meteor falling on me as I sleep, than from this... Not disease, genetic flaw, take it from a guy that was born without toenails, has two eardrums and some weird tiny holes on his ears (I can send you a pic of those tiny weird holes, they are not weird, kinda cute I been told and can say so myself) so you calm yet?

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My mother's star sign was Cancer. Ironic how she died really. She was attacked by a giant crab.

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What is a ghost's favorite appetizer? Ghosts aren't real.

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An American almost walks into a store when he sees a Jew. The Jew was also about to walk into the store, So the american opens the door for him and says"Jew first."

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Hey

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The awkward moment when something of quite awkwardness occurs.

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Why couldn't the old man see? He was deaf

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What did the mental patient say to the apple? She didn't say anything because she was a catatonic schizophrenic.

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A lion, a leopard, a sheep, and a flesh eating New Zealand parrot stalk, trot and fly, respectively, into a bar. The parrot lands on the the sheep's back and begins to tear into its flesh in order to reach the succulent deposits of fatty tissue located around the sheep's kidneys. "Ouch!" Said the sheep. "Why would you do that? Oh, the pain! The pain!" "Squak!", Replied the NZ parrot, wiping blood of its sharp, hooked beak on the counter. "I think," Began the lion, "This parrot from New Zealand is hungry for fat from a sheep's soft, woolly back." The sheep's wool was now damp with blood. "Perhaps this parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from its soft woolly back." "Ah!" Said the sheep. "This parrot from New Zealand wants sheep fat from my soft woolly back!" "Yes", Replied the lion. "You could also say..." Started the sheep, "That an NZ parro-" The sheep did not finish his sentence. He died from his wounds. The lion left. The parrot flew off to tear up some windshield wipers. And the leopard stashed the sheep carcass in a tree branch for later consumption.

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Why did Jill fall off the swings? -Because she had no arms. Knock Knock? --Who's there? Not Jill. What did Jill get for Christmas? -What? I don't know. She couldn't open it.

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Knock knock Who's There Sally Sally who? Sally who .got hit with a fridge and fell off a tree because I have no arms. Sorry, I do not know you.

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline. Banana soup, Gorilla poop

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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why cant dinosaurs talk? because they're all dead.

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Q: Why did Robin Williams kill himself? A: Because he was jealous of all the attention that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was getting.

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In Soviet Russia, there was a movement to be renamed into the Russian Federation, which passed on December 25, 1991.

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Roses are red Violets are blue this doesn't rhyme i like trains.

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How did the mouse die It was eaten by a cat How did the cat die It jumped into the bathtub and drowned

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Your a christain on a lovely vacation with your family a querr waalks by. What do you do? you push the queer of the edge.

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what happens when a dog and a cat have sex? They create a beautiful baby that ends up dieing from cancer.

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Q: What's worse than both of your parents dying in a terrible car accident? A: Sitting in the back seat with your grandparents.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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