OMG, THIS ACTUALLY WORKS!! 1. Hold your breath? for 5 minutes. 2. Die

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Are those two people having sex? Yes, I think they are.

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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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What's blue and wiggles? A baby in a bag

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What do you call a fat man that breaks into your house at 2 a.m. and steals your money and your television? Probably a dumbass, a jackass, a moron, an idiot, or something in that general area.

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Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Micheal Jackson molests little boys.

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How do you kill a fat guy Keep giving him food he'll die eventually.

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Why black people are so good at football? Because they have white feet.

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Anti deep thoughts, by Fabian Monge'. The other day while parked at a stop light i was looking in the rear view mirror at the person who was blowing his horn at me. I then realized that while i was looking back at him the light had been green for a while. I then thought that i had better drive forward because i was holding up traffic, and that it was very selfish of me to waste other peoples time like that while wondering what was going on behind me instead of what was happening in front of me. In the time it took for me to come to this conclusion, i had wasted another few seconds of someones time. How very selfish of me.....

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What did the man say to the woman giving him a blowjob? That feels good.

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What is black and likely to fail? A chain smokers lungs.

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Yo mama so fat, she was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and has been instructed by her physician to exercise and regularly monitor her blood glucose levels.

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This winter: "The seal is broken, as the spirits of hell go across the world, I can help you find them Clint! But only you can prevent them from killing your family!" "I will do whatever I must!" "Be careful, you can only see them with medication sample X, and destroy them with the super addictive Meladocs 5" "HOW DO I KILL THEM! I CANNOT HANDLE MORE MELADOCS 5! ITS ADDICTIVE AS HELL!" "Only you can save us Clint, only you can do this until their world malfunctions saving us all, but killing you in the process!" "I WILL... I CAN!... UGH... HOW MUCH LONGEEEEEEEEEEEEER!" THE PACKMAN: THE MOVIE.

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Which hockey player has scored the monst goals of all time? He-Shoot-Si Scores

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Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

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Two tomatoes where crossing the road, when one of them barely avoided being run over. The other said, come on tomato!

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Roses are red and i like Pie but seriously, i don't care if you die

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause fuck you thats why

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What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead black man on the road? One's a dog and one is a man, but more importantly the differences shouldn't be noted in a miserable occasion such as this as both are unfortunate tragedies. Also, one has a big penis.

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what did the boy say to the over weight girl your fat

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Q.Whats the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? A. I don't were my cleats on my trampoline.

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Why did a jew die? It got killed by a nazi.

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Q: Why did the Asian boy pass the math test? A: By studying with dedication to the field.

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Who can walk on water? Not the guy in the wheelchair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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