Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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I haven't left my basement in 29 years

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is an animal without a high enough level of intelligence to see the dangers in doing so.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

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Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? because she's a woman

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roses are red violets are blue i've got alzheimer's ...

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Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What's funnier than the holocaust? Just about everything seeing how the holocaust is not a funny event, but rather enormous tragedy.... Assholes.

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HOW TO RE-AD : FOR DUMMIES. (HELLEN KELLER ADDITION)

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Q. What did the chinease man say when he got flattened by a plane? A. Nothing, he died instantly.

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You stink so bad that you should cleanse yourself via shower and/or bath.

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Your momma's so old, she your family should be proud to know someone who has lived such a long and full life.

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What do you call a man with no arms? Richard, as that is his name.

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Guess what else smells like tuna!?! A dead tuna fish in a can

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A man walks into a bar. He is now passed out on the ground. (TD)

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One.

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Wanna hear a race joke?.....whoops, ya missed it

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Knock knock Who's there? NYPD you are being placed under arrest come out with your hands up.

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What's the quickest way to a person's heart? A knife

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What is funny? Your football official having a heart attack

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Why did the boy fall of his bike? He's learning to ride and understandably lost his balance.

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Jon waits in his driveway for a bit then rides off to a lemonade stand but doesn't stop because the stand is surrounded by police who have arrested the kids at the stand for selling spiked lemonade. He continues past the stand and goes somewhere else (probably Subway).

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops