whats the diffrence between a lawnmower and a sack of dead babies? I dont have a lawnmower in my garage

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the mother of the boy with cancer say on his birthday? - Happy Birthday, too bad you still have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whats worse than a paper cut? getting your head chopped off

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken had been running in the road's direction for some time, and continued travelling in that direction despite the road being in the way.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why didn't the baby come to daycare? Because his mother got killed by spongebob

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Knock Knock Who is there? The IRS coming to take your house

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A bar walks into Chuck Norris.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Geeks have girlfriends...................... . . . I MEAN alien friends (geeks are losers and you decide your a geek or not)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's worse than homework? A basket full of mutilated puppies....

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How did the car get a dent? Terrorists bombed the house next to it

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whenever you come out of emma browns bedroom

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Once upon a time, there was an ugly duckling. All the other ducklings made fun of the ugly duckling for being so ugly, and the little duckling felt bad. "Why do I have to be such an ugly duckling?," he asked. However one day, the duckling grew up and became........well, an ugly duck. Turns out he was just an ugly duck. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

So a guy goes to his doctor because he thinks he has an STD. He asks the doctor "how bad is it doc?" to which the doctor replies "Well, I got the test results and it doesn't look good. You've got chlamydia, gonorrhea, and onomatopoeia. The guy asks "What's onomatopoeia?" The doctor replies "It's exactly what it sounds like"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You know what they say about a man with big feet! They say it's indicative of the size of his penis, although there's no scientific evidence backing this up.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A skinny white prisoner dropped his soap in the shower. So the big, ripped, black prisoner who was showering next to him picked up the soap and handed it back to him. The skinny white prisoner said "Thank you" and continued with his shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If i knew people where coming i would have trimed my antlers

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's green and has wheels? A frog in a wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down +5

An Asian girl is playing with a rubber band. She accidentally slings it into her eye, cries, and receives immediate attention from her mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

a man and his son pull up out side b&q and the man says to his son run in there and get me a black n decker and the boy goes in and is standing in the power tools isle and he looks round and there is a lady standing next to him so he hit her, the woman happened to be black and 2 minutes later a security guard rushes round and says son what did u do that for and the son said my dad told me to come in and get a black n decker!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops