why did the family get sick?? because i fucked a girl with a parsnip then sold the parsnip to a family with 4 small children

thumb_up thumb_down -17

An Irishman walks out of a pub. Just kidding.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Who won the race through the underpass, the black man or the polish man? The black man as he crossed the finish line several seconds earlier.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How many Jews does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on how big the lightbulb is

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are smiling, violets are trying to kill me. DId I mention I'm a paranoid schizophrenic?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

lets work together to make all racists jokes in negitives

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got Alzheimer's, Who are you?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's worse than a car going backwards on the highway? A steamroller going backwards on the highway.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Whats the difference between Osama and Obama? The S is replaced with a B.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

whats worse than a worm in your apple? the Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is Black, White and Asian? A Panda Bear

thumb_up thumb_down -17

You were born.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dog? A dead cat.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What happened when the man was about to hug the sexiest person he ever saw in his life? He hit the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? You wouldn't be able to count them if it were dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Once upon a time there was a boy who was 16 and a girl who was 14. The guy is in year 10 and the girls is in year 9 . Alot of people think he is a pedofile. Comment your opinion.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

theres no 'I' in 'team' but theres an 'I' in 'hitler'

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walks into an illegal brothel. He is a cop. He takes them back to the police station and questions them in a completely asexual manner.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was the man sad? Because he found his 80 year old mother had been raped and murdered in her home...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did one wardrobe say to another wardrobe? Clothes.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops