A man is in a bar with a drink A lorry driver come in a gulp the guys drink down The man starts crying the lorry driver says"don't cry I will buy you another" The guy says "it's not that: Today I woke up late for work and when I finally got there my boss fired me so I get in my car to go home and it wont start so I walk home while it's raining and when I got in I found that my wife was sleeping with the gardener so I came down here and asked for some poison and you went and drank it"

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There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a good, New England family man

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Ol-ive

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Why did Dave stop going to the laundromat? Because he was a suicide bomber.

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What is invisible and smells like cheese? Cheese. I lied about the invisible part, because cheese is not invisible.

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Gotta go Mark Gotta go Mark MARK MARKMARKMARK! Moving at the speed of mark I'm the quickest mark around Got ourselves a mark Start getting a new mark Without any mark On top of mark! Go- Go- Go- Don't mark Don't mark Just markmarkmarkmark! mark, he's on the run mark, he's number one mark, he's coming next so watch out for mark X! Gotta go mark, gotta go mark mark mark markmarkmark Go go go go go go go go go! marrrrrkkk X!!

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Although I guess there is probably no way to get on the swing with no arms unless there was another person there to aid you in the process, and that is highly unlikely because nobody wants to hang out with a girl with no arms. Still even if Suzie was helped on to the swing she wouldn't be able to swing because of her lack of arms. Maybe that person who helped her on pushed the swing with her on it bearing in mind she has no arms. In that case Suzie should stop hanging out with that person because they are very sadistic to deliberately shove a girl with no arms off a swing.

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Why didn't the tv turn on? It wasn't plugged in

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Helena: Can u get me a pencil? Me: Sure. Me: Mr. Brandmeyer can u give me a pencil? Mr. Brandmeyer: Why? Me: I don't know. That's what Helena said.

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What did the T-REX say to the Yettie? This is a highly improbable situation, therefore there is no need for an answer.

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knock knock who's there Bob oh hi, come in

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a blind person walks into a deaf person and the deaf person says "dadadader"

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Why are anti jokes so funny? Because their not.

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A dirty joke Three white horse's are walking down a trail one falls in the mud

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Why did the girl fall off the swing ? Because she lost her balance and the force of gravity put upon her was too great for her to bear, resulting in her fall.

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how did helen keller's parents punish her? stuck a plunger in the toilet

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I wish you were never born. Me too. Then I wouldn't have been raped today.

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Whats worse the people posting real jokes on (Anti Jokes)? 911

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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? None, any dog aware of the situation would kindly inform its owner.

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Roses are red Violets are T I T S I like T I T S T I T S

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What do you get when you cross a monkey and a fish? An unlikely premise upon which to base a joke

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Why did the black guy stop drinking his kool-aid? He learned of its high sugar content and began to drink a glass of water as a healthier option.

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hashtags suck balls

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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