Why did the chicken cross the road? To get hit by a car because he was depressed and contemplating suicide.

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A: Ask me if I'm a tree! B: Are you a tree? A: No.

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he wanted to impress his wife.

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roses are red violets are blue i've got alzheimer's ...

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Q: what did the grandmother give to her grandson. A: a lightbulb

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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Roses are red, violets are red, Tulips are red, bushes are red.... WTF MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE.

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A man and a cucumber walk into a bar. They sit three seats away from each other and intermediately give nervous looks to one another. Finally the man stands up and declares "I hate bar jokes" and walks out.

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How many pollacks does it take to screw in a lightbuld? Likely the same number as is required when people of non-polish descent screw in lightbulds. Overall however it is variable based on the number or bulbs, position of bulbs in relation to ceiling, potential shakiness of required ladder, and desired efficiency. Please reference GE's lightbuld home instillation handbook for further information or alternately contact your local electrician or handy neighbor.

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So I was walking down the road today

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What is worse than the holocaust paying taxes

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A black guy and a white guy both get pulled over by a cop for speeding. The white guy is promptly released with a stern warning, whle the black guy is thouroughly questioned and has his car searched for drugs, with the probable cause being that the black guy has bloodshot eyes, reeks of weed and has a bong in his frontseat.

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TOP COMMENT IS MINE!

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What shouldn't you say to a dementia patient? You already said that.

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What did one fat chick say to the other fat chick? Who cares, they're fat.

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Dont be mean Dyslexics are teople poo

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why did the mexican cross the road? to get to the lawn mowing shop becuase his wife has breast cancer, and he cant pay the bills sitting on his butt and getting a check from the government every month

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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Q: What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down? A: oh noo my tractor broke down.

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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Why can't Bin laden drive because he's dead

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What did the penguin wearing a blue sweater say to the sink? I am a penguin wearing a blue sweater.

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Why did the young Mexican apply for a job at McDonalds? The economy is down and his family could use the extra money.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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