- Anti Joke

Why did the guy go to the store? He really doesn't want you to know every detail of his life.

How many plumbers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Plumbers don't do that. Electricians do.

What is the difference between a bitch and your ex-girlfriend? First of all, they are two different types of mammals. Second, dogs don't talk.

when life gives you lemons your like wait how did i get these lemons??

Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

Whats slower than molasses? Slightly thicker molasses.

What's brown and sticky? Shit.

Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer, the bartender quickly takes out a shot gun and shoots the horse because he is secretly dealing horse meat to tescos

An American, a Canadian, and a Scottish man died in a horrible car accident. Their story was used as a lesson to keep teenagers from drunk driving.

Your mamas so fat, that any level of physical exercise is strenuous, but also mentally challenging, as she feels that there is a negative astigmatism attached to sweaty, red-faced overweight individuals trying to burn those pounds. This in turn makes her ashamed of the gastronomically decadent life she once lived, and so she doesn't have the confidence to try and reverse the damage she did during those insecure teenage years, instead comforting herself with the sugary, fatty bane of her life. She therefore lives in a vicious circle, angry at herself and the society that won't accept her. But remaining incredibly, repulsively fat.

What happens to the yellow hat when it is thrown into the red sea? It get's wet.

Why doesn't it rain on Sundays? It does.

Why did the little girl cry when she fell off the slide? Because when she fell she hit the dirt ground, cause dust to fly into the air, he eyes started to water in response to keep her eyes from being damaged. The slide however, was taken down, too many children had been hurt while playing on it. The community is now pooling money together in order to build a new playground.

What do you call two black men walking down a stairwell? Their names.

The morning of her 16th birthday, April's parents presented her with a young racehorse named Bolt. Bolt was energetic and strong the first two days, easily trotting around their 4 acre estate, but the following morning, when April went out to bring Bolt his breakfast, she found him leaning on his stable, head down, slowly rolling side to side. Upon seeing her newfound friend in distress, she promptly asked, "Are you okay Bolt? Why the long face?" Soon after, April realized that she had made a clever pun and grinned childishly. April's glory was short lived however, when Bolt suddenly collapsed due to an aortic aneurysm. Having spent most of their retirement on this racehorse, April's parents sold the ranch and moved into a retirement home, disgracing their daughter for not taking care of their steed. April, believing herself to be the culprit for Bolt's death, later committed suicide.

roses are black your mamas white i didnt mean to say it but it's right

Chuck norris is seen standing outside a bakery in Paris holding numchucks. He just finished lunch

Why did Jill fall off the swings? -Because she had no arms. Knock Knock? --Who's there? Not Jill. What did Jill get for Christmas? -What? I don't know. She couldn't open it.

A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

How do you tell a bunch of Chinese people apart? Go up to each one and ask them their first and last names. The chances of any of them being the same is quite slim, giving each person their own identity.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? 6 went to a house party. 7 was there. 7 and 6 kind of new each other. They went to the same school, but weren`t really friends. All night 7 was giving 6 strange looks. 6 started feeling uneasy, so he left the party early. When 6 got in his car 7 was inside waiting for him and pulled out a gun. Luckily 6 got away from 7 safely, but has been scared of him ever since.

Why did the man die when he saw the light? It was a strobe light and he died from an epileptic seizure

Hazel and Gus are two teenagers who share an acerbic wit, a disdain for the conventional, and a love that sweeps them on a journey. Their relationship is all the more miraculous given that Hazel's other constant companion is an oxygen tank, Gus jokes about his prosthetic leg, and they met and fell in love at a cancer support group.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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