An Irishman walks out of a bar.

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What do you call Ed Milliband after he's been decapitated? Dead Milliband.

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What happens when you fire a machine gun clip into a jew? You are convicted on first degree murder, and most likely sentenced to jail because you can't afford a good lawyer. Orange jumpsuits are uncomfortable.

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When life throws you lemons, your first instinct is to make lemonade. Due to your severe lemon allergy, however, you will die within several minutes and therefore have no viable method of creating said lemonade. You die horribly and your death sparks a movement against the biological warfare of life.

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There is a mom a dad and a son, they walk into the museum and the dad is in the bathroom.

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What do you call a black man standing on a sidewalk? Preferably race shouldn't matter in this situation, but in most social circumstances the man would be described as black to elucidate the person being depicted.

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What is life? It is a sexually transmitted disease which always ends in death. There is currently no known cure.

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Have you heard the one of the two headed man an the horse? Neither have I

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“DTF”? Says Will. “No” says Harper.

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What do you call a lesbian eskimo? The name she was given at birth.

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Hey, I just met you And this is crazy! But here's my switchblade Get in the trunk.

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What's the difference between a bench and a black man? The black man is alive.

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The Walmart Scooterwhale (Terracetus obesitus) is the only member of the cetacean family to live in a terrestrial environment. Commonly found in large-scale grocery stores all across North America, it subsists mostly on fattening junk food, microwave popcorn, and beer.

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Doctor, Doctor I think your gay. thats because i am

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Why did the italian go to jail? because he had just robbed a bank and then brutally murdered his wife and kids.

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Why does the Taliban forbid people from having sex standing up? It might lead to dancing. And then, of course, death.

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Why is Easter better than christmas? Theres a significantly less chance of getting raped by a man in a Santa Claus costume.

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I once did __________ (went to Hawaii, drank a whole gallon of beer, etc. ), but then I woke up. Works with anything, and people will laugh.

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What do you call it when a dead man has his wallet stolen? Rob Zombie.

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Yo mamas so poor, she should probably find a source of consistent payment to support herself.

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Why did the man die? He had a heart attack.

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Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?".

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Roast Beef is a solid and Pea Soup is a liquid

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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