what did the boy get after his first communion? unwanted intercourse with his priest that resulted in scaring him for life, until the day he killed himself because he could never get over it.

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Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

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what do you call and man that has a twitch every time someone say tissue broken arm, leg, hand, collar bone and there iphone? A mentally and physically demented man that needs serious help from a psychotherapist otherwise matter would get increasingly worse

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Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Your mother is so fat, that making fun if her is a terrible thing to do.

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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

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The truth is he loves her!!

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Why was the black guy sad? Because he has a knife through his throat

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What do you call an argument between a Jew and a German? World War 2

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Why does Suzie like to wear sunglasses? Because she's blind.

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KNOCK KNOCK who's there? OUCH! what's your door knob made of? nails?

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You wanna hear a joke? Me too

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yo mamma so black, she was left out in subzero temperatures for an extended time period and suffered major frostbite all over her body, causing it to become grotesquely black.

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if you fall, I'll be there. -floor

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what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can you sign for this package? Certainly

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What did billy get after sex? Herpes

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why did the chicken cross the road? because there were no cars coming and it seemed like a safe time to cross

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A man walks into a bar a browning automatic rifle, it accidentally fires hitting the main artery in his neck and he promptly bleeds to death.

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Little Susie fell of the swings. Where did she go? On the ground.

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What's the difference between a bench and a black man? The bench is an inanimate object incapable of thought

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What's the safest way to tell a racist joke? Ask everybody who might hear the joke if they would be offended by a racist joke.

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An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scottishman walks into a bar. They had a good time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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