What do you call an asian jumping off of a building? A suicide victim.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Seriously, I am going to tell you, but you know, what would you have preferred that it was if you could choose, I am kinda insecure about these things, and people can read these messages so...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

If you are American when you walk into a bathroom and American when you walk back out, what are you when you are inside the bathroom? You're probably dispelling waste products from your body.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the young Mexican apply for a job at McDonalds? The economy is down and his family could use the extra money.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There once was a man from Nantucket. He was a well respected member of the community.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock Knock Who's there A girl scout want to buy some cookies to raise money for my cardiac surgery?

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What sport do all black people like? This is impossible to answer because not all black people like the same sport.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

roses are red violets are blue i suck at rhymming you have nice boobs

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why can't Helen Keller drive? because she's a woman

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did kermit cry?Ms.Piggy knocked him out on Christmas and he slept through the party and all of the presents

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red Violets are blue You're parents are dead All your friends are too

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: How do you keep a blond occupied for an hour? A: You write "flip over" on both sides of a blank piece of paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I just met you, And this is crazy. So call me Kony, I stole you're baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I saw a stray dog the other day So I petted it and got on my way.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How come Dorothy couldn't feel her legs? The metal cable snapped.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

It was at the war and there was a camp site where a doctors helped injured soldiers. One soldier comes in the door and holds his arm. The doctor says "You got shot in the arm?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and holding his shoulder. The doctor says "You got shot in the shoulder?" He says yes. Then another soldier walks in the door and was dragging his left leg across the floor. The doctor says "You got shot in your leg?" The soldier says "No, I stepped on dog shhhttt."

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the muslim cross the road? To blow up a train

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

There is a blonde, a redhead, and a brunnette stuck on a deserted island. the redhead gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk the 100 miles back to shore. she begins swimming, gets 10 miles out, gets tired, and drowns. the brunnette gets sick of being trapped, so she decides to risk it too. she gets 50 miles, gets tired, and drowns. The blonde decides to escape as well. she is able to swim 98 miles, gets tired, and swims back.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/resources/2008/04/Deer_mating2.jpg

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Did you hear the one about the guy who couldn't tell any funny jokes? He went to Anti Joke and posted 1000's.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops