What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

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So I went to an audition, my friend said "break a leg" And then I did

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Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. They both promptly drowned.

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Why did the depressed man commit suicide? Its typical of a depressed person.

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What is my cats favorite college? Harvard

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A man jumped off a cliff. He died.

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If a blonde and a brunette fell off a cliff who would reach the ground first? The blonde because she was fatter.

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What do Richard and Judy have in common? Nothing.

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What's white and red all over? A white guy who walked in the ghetto.

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What do you call an art history major with a job? A gainfully employed member of society, who assuredly benefited from his access to higher education (and quite possibly from acquaintances or family members within the company that employs him, though it is often considered impolite to mention this latter fact, as it may be construed to denigrate the aforementioned individual or his chosen field of study).

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A woman is in a terrible car crash. The husband comes in, runs to the doctor and he says "Doctor! My wife...is she going to make it?" The doctor turns and says "your wife will survive, but she's experienced heavy brain trauma. She will never walk again. You'll have to bathe her, feed her, change her diapers, and cater to her every need." The husband starts crying and says "oh my God that's terrible! Are you serious?" The doctor replies "Yes."

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why did the kid struggle in school? because hes mentally retarted

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No soup for you!

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A black man and a mexican man are in a car. Who is driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken a month off from working in their law firm. The mexican man, Alex, had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. Rain had suddenly come upon them and a passing off-duty police officer had picked them up and took them to a nearby hotel. The three men had drinks and the friends had a wonderful rest of their trip. Alex, however never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months after their return John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

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if bought jim bought 78 sweets and he eats 68 what does jim have left? diabetes

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Why was lady crying? Because her ten yer old son died of cancer..

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Your Mama's so fat that the Doctor recommended a healthy eating diet, and to exercise daily.

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Knock, Knock. Lol jk, we all know knock knock jokes fricken suck.

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Raveena Thandhan

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wanna hear a joke? yes

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Where did the Smith family spend their weekend together? At the father's funeral.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm gonna f*ck you with a rake.

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89 bottles of beer on the wall, 89 bottles of beer, if one alcoholic passes the wall, 0 bottles of beer on the wall!

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A man walked into the woods... Sorry, I forgot the rest of the joke...

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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