A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was the Mexican running through the desert? A group of bandits had kidnapped his family, raped his sister, drowned his mother, decapitated his father, and now they were coming for him. They are coming...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I really want to know something would all of you like to go on Suspension for 3 weeks? Mr Goodwin

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why cant African children read? While there are many contributing factors the largest would probably be the lack of a standardized education system mainly due to the logistical factors involved in reaching so many wide spread communities. Also the current economic climate and general disregard for civilians by the governments in these area would suggest that the states' focus would be on other issues besides the welfare of their citizens, this is probably similar to other countries in similar situations such as middle eastern, eastern european, and latin and south america. Then again, not really being educated on this issue in almost any way, has probably contributed to a broad generalization, and so the premise of this joke is most likely flawed in any case.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? no... Well, It's really nice. :)

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the man drink a glass of water? Why not?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Meh, I dont want it anymore! You take it!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the black person eat fried chicken Because fried chicken tends to be an abundant food in the African American community and that was the quickest and cheapest weekend afternoon food source nearest to his house. It is also found in many other communities throughout the country and even the world. Oh yeah, he was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A blonde girl walks into a hairdressers and asks for a slight trim. She leaves the hairdressers fairly happy with the result although she was unhappy with the price which she later concluded was most likely because of the rising inflation. However overall she felt it had been a successful outing.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

There was a scientist that was doing a social experiment with mothers and their children. The name of first kid was named candy because it was her mothers favourite thing. The second kid name was rose because it was her mothers Favourite thing. The last mother knew what was happening and said to her son "Come on Dick".

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the rooster cross the road? Because he wanted to prove he wasn't a chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Dig Bick Your dislexic

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are green violets are brown wait a minute..........my shoes untied

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a moose with a 12 gauge shotgun bullet through it's head? Open Season

thumb_up thumb_down -17

My, you you... SEDUCER! XD, and there I go proving your point by going uppercase XD

thumb_up thumb_down -17

so today i took a poop. hehe

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is worse than menopause? Falling down the stairs breaking your next....

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's worse than a burglar breaking into your house in the middle of the night? A rapist breaking into your house in the middle of the night.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did Sara fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sara.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call something that shoots out a white gooey liquid? A shampoo bottle

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Q. Why did the 40 year old woman puts on a large amount of makeup? A. She may have gerontophobia.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sally walked into a bar and asked for a drink. Because she was under 21 they denied her request,

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's worse than crying over spilt milk? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Which does does the Mississippi River flow in? Liquid.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops