If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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"Hey dude, wanna come with me??" "Sure! Where????" "To the grocery store, I need to buy a couple of lemons"

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How do you get an alien baby to sleep? Well, first you need to get an alien baby.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Oh hey Banana what's up? Nothing much. You? Oh nothing, I was just talking to Apple here. Oh hey Apple. Hey.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I forgot.

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whay did the monkey fall out of the tree? he was dead. why did the cat fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey.

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What did the octopus say to the squid? Nothing, considering these two species can't speak.

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How do you keep a black man inside? Shoot his leg.

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Why did the Italian family have spaghetti for dinner? Thats the only thing they had in the house

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Let me guess, you where really ready to Not not tell me that.

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A woman walked into a club. Or at least, that's what her abusive boyfriend told the police.

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The Irishman walked out of the bad.. Haha just kidding

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Adam Chebali is awesome

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I went to a restaurant, but after I ate the food felt sick, then I remembered that I ordered penis with cum Popsicles so I knew it couldn't be the food

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what do you call white people running down a mountain? Avalanche What do you call black people running down a mountain? Jailbreak

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How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at him.

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Your so stupid that when during your baseball game your third base coach told you to run home, you did. The next day, you failed your test.

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what do u get when you cross a monkey, a sock and wheels? A: a sock monkey. I was kidding about the wheels

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What do you call your mom after she brings a guy home from a bar? A very caring woman because she doesn't want him driving drunk.

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what happens when steven hawking walks into a bar? everyone cheers at the miracle of science.

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i cant STAND cripple jokes

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Why did the girl fall of her bike? Because she got hit by a fridge!

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whats white jizz

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Once Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a guy so hard that he got a large bruise.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops