What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini. "Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR." "Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?" "No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's the quickest way to a person's heart? A knife

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the three sixteen year old boys do to the homeless man late at night? Wished him a happy birthday and gave him a meal

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How can you tell if a man has an erection? His penis is no longer flaccid

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What hurts more than a bee sting? Child birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A Muslim, a Jew and a Christian are on an airplane talking about religion. The Jew tells the Christian he believes in a single holy entity. The Christian says he believe Christ is the Son of that very same entity. The Muslim says "When can I get out of this room?" because he's been detained at the airport due to religious profiling.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Once there was a pig named Poga. When he grew up, he was slaughtered and made into bacon.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? A basketball.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

why did the chicken cross the road? Because there were no traffic.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a serial rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

There was once a man named Larry. Larry was an office worker for a paper company. One day when Larry was counting papers he got a papercut on his left hand. Therefore his finger began to bleed as he sat in agony. What did Larry do next? He got up and got a band-aid. Larry continued his paper work at his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Knock Knock Who's there A girl scout want to buy some cookies to raise money for my cardiac surgery?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I like touching my boobs

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Q: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea. A: Tsunami victims.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Hey, I just met you And this is crazy! But here's my switchblade Get in the trunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A Blond and a Brunette are falling down to their deaths, which one hits the ground first? Does it matter? They both die anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Seriously, I am going to tell you, but you know, what would you have preferred that it was if you could choose, I am kinda insecure about these things, and people can read these messages so...

thumb_up thumb_down +19

the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time

thumb_up thumb_down +19

When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops