I once met with Mahatma Gandhi and he said to me "Child, why do I walk this earth?.. What is the meaning of my living?.. Why am I alive?" and I bowed in respect of his wisdom and said "I don't know. Why do you?" and he said "I don't I'm dead."

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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The baby started screaming in the dead of night. It woke up his mother, but his father did not be woken by it. why? Because the father left the mother some time ago, and emigrated to Australia with a new girlfriend, who is incidentially a model, and therefore he could not have heard hs child scream whilst on the other side of the world. His new girlfriend dosen't like him.

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Why was the black guy in jail He was a jail guard

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If you give a hobo a stick he might poke u with it

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to go to heaven because his girlfriend Margaret was cooked into chicken sandwhiches, and he had no kids and he didn't want to marry someone else, so he tried to get ran over but no cars hit him so he cooked himself. AND so he became KFC-Style chicken wings. BUUUT since no one ate them, he grabbed them up from heaven and commented on how delicious he was and proceeded to eat more and then exploded, sending him to heaven's heaven. But it was just a dream. And Margaret had to do laundry some more today because he freaking caused a urine tsunami. You're welcome.

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What do you call a mother cow? Moooom

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A horse walks into a bar The bartender says "why the long face?" The horse says nothing, because he's a horse The bartender soon relizes there is a horse in his bar, and calls animal control

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Your mom is so old that she most likely will die soon.

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What do you call a vehicle has 56 wheels? Anything you want, because it hasn't been invented yet.

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Q:What the difference between a piano and a guitar A: Nothing, there both instruments and i lied about the difference

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Whats the difference........ Between a duck?

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Why do thieves shower before undertaking a robbery? Probably part of their morning routine.

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did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he's all right now

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Q - How do you call black people driving in a black car on the black road, then falling off the black cliff into the black water? A - An unfortunate accident.

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whats the difference between a ladybug and a jew? there is none

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What's the difference between your wife and the kitchen? One is a living organism

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Roses are red, yup.

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What did the unicorn eat for a snack? Nothing. Unicorns are a majestic fiction animal.

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why was the man scared of the tree because it was shady

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Enters password. Sorry your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies. Enters password. Password Strength: Weak

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Who ate my sandwich? The office appliance that fell from the sky.

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Why was the Asian woman late for work? She was raped.

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what do you call a woman who has sex for money? smart.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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