Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

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What is worse than finding a real joke on Anti-joke.com? Starving children in Africa.

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This guy was walking down the street and a homeless guy asked him for money. The guy said "Why don't you get a job?" So the homeless guy began to cry because all he wanted was a dime not to be humiliated.

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A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day, he finds an old lamp. When he rubs it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes." The man smacks himself in the face and mutters, "Oh god, I'm seeing genies now. I must be delirious from lack of food and water." Several hours later, he dies.

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A blond is on her way driving to the airport when she sees the sign "Airport left." She made a left turn and got to her flight on time.

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When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? The police, your entire family died in a car accident. ... ... The police, your entire family died in a car accident who?

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Why did the chicken cross the road?? Blue.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? You set her alarm clock for a reasonable hour.

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Why was the boy late for dinner? He got in the van.

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What's red, crunchy, and hard to chew. A brick.

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Sigh, at times like this I begin to ponder what I am doing with my life. I do not look that much like some anime character thingie, she is awfully cute for a anime character though.

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A man once went duck pin bowling, 5 years later he died of leukemia.

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Why did the muslim cross the road? To get to the other Saiid.

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What is similar between the Holocaust and soccer? They both suck.

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Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

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What's long hard and full of seman. A submarine.

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a. why? b. because

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Want to hear a dirty joke? Well... I can't tell you. It's inapropriate.

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Whats worse than forgetting your first homework assignment of the new school year? Being hazed on the first day of school to the point where you seriously consider suicide

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? As many as the compacity of the car can hold and how big the jews are

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Two fish are swimming and hit a cement wall. One fish says Dam.

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What do an airplane and a grape have in common? They both have wings, except the grape.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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