- Anti Joke

What would you do for a Klondike bar? Pay a reasonable sum of money.

Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

there was this kid who was perfectly well-adjusted, had most normal things a person needs and a generally good life. what did he get for Christmas. non-hodgkins lymphoma.

Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank

What do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair? A cripple

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay boys house. Knock knock! whose there? The chicken!!

did u ever hear a bird joke "no" hawkword

I am thinking of a number between 1 and 100 what is it There are many numbers between 1 and 100 so it is highly unlikely that I will guess the right number

Why can't black people get sunburned? Natural selection allowed ancient Africans to develop a darker skin shade that would counter strong UV rays.

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends how hard you throw them.

A man walks into a bar. His family has died in a tragic accident and he is trying to drink down the pain.

What is brown, creamy, and tastes like gravy? gravy.

Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Oh good I thought you wouldn't make it.

How do you make beef Wellington? INGREDIENTS For mushroom duxelles: 1 pound cremini mushrooms, coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon black pepper For herb crepe: 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 2 eggs 1 teaspoon sugar 1/2 teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons chives, minced 1/2 cup whole milk 1/4 cup water 4 tablespoons butter, melted, plus more if needed for pans For beef Wellington: 2 pounds filet mignon Salt and black pepper, to taste 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 cup whole-grain Dijon mustard 1/2 pound prosciutto di Parma 1 sheet puff pastry, thawed 1 egg yolk 1 tablespoon whole milk DIRECTIONS To make mushroom duxelles: Add mushrooms to a food processor and process until completely smooth. The consistency is similar to wet hummus. In a pan over medium heat, add mushroom paste, olive oil, salt, and pepper. Spread the mixture evenly over the surface and cook on a medium-low heat until the moisture in the paste has reduced and the mixture has the consistency of a spreadable pâté. Remove from heat and let cool. To make herb crepes: In a large bowl, whisk together flour, eggs, sugar, salt, and chives. Whisk in milk, water, and 1 tablespoon of melted butter, until smooth and emulsified. Heat a crepe pan or large skillet over medium heat. Add remaining 3 tablespoons of butter. Add 1/4 cup of the batter. Rotate pan in a circular motion over the heat to completely cover the surface with the batter. The edges of the crepe will begin to curl slightly as the crepe cooks. Cook for approximately 45 to 60 seconds, then flip crepe to cook the other side. Each side should be a pale golden brown. Remove from heat. Add more butter if needed to the pan and repeat process with the remaining batter. Set crepes aside. Preheat the oven to 400º F. To make steaks: Pat filet mignon dry with paper towels and season generously with salt and black pepper. Heat a skillet over medium-high heat and add olive oil. When the oil begins to smoke, add the filet mignon and brown from 1 to 2 minutes on all sides. You want to create a nice sear on the outside of the steak but leave the inside raw. Remove from heat and place on a cutting board to cool. Cover cooled filet with Dijon mustard. To roll the beef Wellingtons: On a cutting board, lay out a long piece of plastic wrap. In the middle of the wrap, lay out a crepe. Spread mushroom duxelles over the crepe. Lay out the prosciutto on top of the duxelles. Place filet in the center of the crepe and gently wrap the crepe around the filet. Trim off any excess and use the plastic wrap to tightly wrap the steak. Lay out a clean, long piece of plastic wrap. Gently roll out puff pastry until it is a 1/4-inch thin. Place the wrapped steak on one end of the puff pastry and wrap. Pinch the ends closed and trim off any excess puff pastry. Use the plastic wrap to tightly seal the puff pastry. Pop it in the fridge for about 5 minutes to let it firm up again. In a bowl, mix together egg yolk and milk. Place a sheet of parchment paper or aluminum foil on a baking sheet. Remove Wellington from fridge, remove the plastic wrap, and lay the Wellington seam-side down on the baking sheet. Baste the top of the puff pastry with the egg wash and bake for approximately 25 to 30 minutes or until the internal temperature of the steak reaches 125º F, or to whatever temperature you prefer your steak. Remove from the oven and let rest for at least 10 minutes before slicing into medallions. Serve warm.

Q:What happened when the bear walked into the bar? You cannot answer because you were seriously injured by the bear.

How many midgets does it take to change a light bulb? If you do the math, it's probably one.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who practices the Jewish religion. A pizza is an italian dish consisting of dough, cheese, and tomato sauce.

What do a grape and an elephant have in common? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he f**king felt like it!

whats green and smells like red paint? green paint

What's white and can't climb a tree? A fridge

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was suicidal

Why did the Chicken cross the road? Because as an animal with legs it is highly capable of doing such as it pleases.

If Chuck Norris were to be hit by a train he would die

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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