A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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At the time my grandfather came round to visit, what was happening in Australia? A giant spider was giving birth.

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What's funnier than a dead baby? A lot of things, because a dead baby isn't funny at all.

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If life gives you lemons, you're setting up a bad joke

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Poop

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There's a god, just kidding.

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Why did the little boy cross the road? He didnt, he got hit by a car and died

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a bus

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What is the answer to the question of life? Over 9000

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What did the Irish nun say on her deathbed? "I now realize that smoking was an unhealthy habit and I regret that I made the choice to do so." Then she died

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What did the Atheist say to priest? Evolution

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Q: What did the teacher say at the end of recess. A: "Recess is over."

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What did the elephant say to the zebra? Nothing, elephants can't talk.

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Two fish are in a tank. One is driving, the other is operating the gun. Two soldiers are in a tank. They both drown.

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I have a really funny joke.

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How do you stop the mailman from performing his daily routes? You fill his house with blood thirsty bobcats

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Why did Sally cross the street? Because someone was gonna rape her if she didn't.

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What is the best time to go to the dentist? When you have a toothache

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Why do black people like kool aid? Why It is a very hydrating and delicious drink

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Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

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Yo mama so ugly she's ridiculed daily and has frequent suicidal thoughts.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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