what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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At the time my grandfather came round to visit, what was happening in Australia? A giant spider was giving birth.

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neil likes pube toast

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Why was the black man tangled in chains at the bottom of the ocean? Because he was a highly skilled diver and environmentalist who tragically entangled himself and consequently died slowly and painfully of suffocation while trying to save a whale from eating waste metal.

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Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

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What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman? I don't know, I don't speak French.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

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Why did michael jackson wear white gloves around young boys? His doctor recommended that he do so due to bad circulation.

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Why are gay guys so good at being gay? The black guys told them too.

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Yo mama so stupid she was trying to put her M&M's in alphabetical order

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What does a person with Alzheimer's do? To get to the other side.

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whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and the holocaust? A pile of dead babies isn't funny

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was locked safely in the chicken coop.

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whats yellow after cani...nathan

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What is worse than going to school? Nothing.

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Yo mama's so fat, she has low self-esteem.

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Why didn't the chef serve the black guy his food? Because he wasn't a waitor.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To try and get hit by a car.

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Q: how do you stop a blonde woman from drowning? A: unplug the stopper in the bathtub Q: how do you stop a baby from drowning? A: take your foot off its head

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Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall? The wall was unstable and not to be sat on.

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I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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