What did the dog do in the phone booth? Nothing, as dog do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grip objects. The previous user must have left the door open and the dog walked in, only to leave a few moments later.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did one apple say to the other???? Well, since they are fruits, and not people, they were unable to talk...

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's black and white and red all over? A car in which some young hoodlum appears to have splashed a fair amount of red paint over the owner's otherwise charming checker pattern.

thumb_up thumb_down

If i knew people where coming i would have trimed my antlers

thumb_up thumb_down

How many dead babies can you fit inside Casey Anthony's trunk? Trick question. She didn't do it.

thumb_up thumb_down

Soo if ur on a jet ski and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to cover a doghouse? Pickle.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the man do after he got in his car with out his keys? He started it up and drove Away

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you hear about the guy that dropped the soap in prison? He apparently gripped it a bit too tightly causing it to slip out of his hands, but managed to pick it up promptly and finish showering with no further incidence.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? A bench is an inanimate object and a Mexican is a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the girl fall off the swing? You've already seen this joke at least SIXTY TIMES on this website, so you already know.

thumb_up thumb_down

yay for the idiot that posted "whats white, sticky and yummy? milk". WTF dude? milk has never been sticky and good at the same time and its never going to be. infact, ive never known milk to be sticky, maybe after such a long period of being spoiled the milk becomes somewhat sticky, but your attempt at creating a perverted joke that wasnt in anyway funny or even close to being correct was so poor i feel the need to post this and hope you read it and decide returning to school would be beneficial to the rest of your life. I guarantee everyone who reads your post about milk being sticky is thinking something pretty similar to what i am.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the man with cancer say when he got hit in the face with a crowbar? "Ow."

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have PTSD. Time to kill myself.

thumb_up thumb_down

Haunnaka in 1940's Germany. six thousand people die. in one minute.

thumb_up thumb_down

How many men does it take to change a light bulb? One.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the student shoot his teacher? Because he was super depressed and was just diagnosed with stage four brain cancer. And he was black.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red, violets are red, sunflowers are red, HOLY CRAP, MY GARDENS ON FIRE!

thumb_up thumb_down

How are humans like slinkies? - They are not good for very much and bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

thumb_up thumb_down

whats long, orange, and comes out of brown stuff? -a carrot.

thumb_up thumb_down

what has hair and can fly? a human.. i lied about the flying.

thumb_up thumb_down

My girlfriend told me "Give me twelve inches and make it hurt" I ejaculated prematurely and fell asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Viking are all fighting over a piece of land. The piece of land was the whole of England and this was the beginning of the Noman conquest in 1066.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops