I have two friends, Jeffrey and Barbara. You might think that Jeffrey likes sports and beer, and that Barbara likes knitting and cooking. But you'd be wrong, Barbara is dead.

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Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours? A: Because she was dead.

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I took my blind grandmother to the art gallary

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What did the dead man say? Nothing because dead human beings have no beating heart and do not live so they cannot speak.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't.

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How is a monkey like a bicycle? They can both climb trees. Except for the bicycle.

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Q: What happened when Johnny cheated on his test? A: He got a higher score

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Why was the man walking down the street late at night? Because he's homeless and has nowhere to stay.

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What's worse than someone who thinks Sting is a nice guy? Sting.

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no

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people say thers saftey in numbers, try telling that to 6 million jews

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Dog is walking through a park and is almost stepped on by a horse. Dog says, "Hey, watch where you're going!" Horse says, "Well, looky here! A talking dog!"

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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A month after the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima, a typhoon hit the city killing another 2,000 people.

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what do you call 2 walking Arabs with long beards? pedestrians.

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A chicken crosses the road... Gets fined for jaywalking.

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Jo Brand no longer looks like a ball sack draped over a football.

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Why did the Mexican cross the border? He was hoping to achieve greater economic prosperity and well-being for his family. penis.

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What's the difference between a bag full of dead babies and a ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

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what do you call a fat man standing in the middle of the street a fat man

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Q:What do you do when you see a talking raccoon A:Quit the LSD

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What did the penis say to the vagina? It didnt say anything, the male said to the female "i like pickles."

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How do you know that an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The door is ripped off and the refrigerator is lying on it's side. All the shelves are strewn around the floor and your food has been partially eaten or simply crushed. You also have costly damage done to your house and most likely a frightened elephant in your house

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In an effort to bond, the American president and North Korean Supreme Leader place a bet on a football game. If the President was correct, the Supreme Leader would have to buy them a drink, and vice versa. The game is close but in the end the President's bet wins. He asks for the drink, but the Supreme Leader refuses. An argument breaks out, and lasts for several hours. Eventually the Supreme Leader becomes too infuriated, and leaves. So the next day, North Korea declares war on America and launches nuclear missiles towards them, millions of lives are lost, and the world descends into anarchy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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