Why did the pig cross the road? To chase after his adopted chicken.

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What did the old man say when those damn kids stepped on his lawn? Nothing one of those kids killed him around three years back....

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How do you kill a Jewish person? You shoot him multiple times in the face

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Where does the Queen of England live? England.

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I heard that you could burn punds so I found a fat kid and set him on fire

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A 16 year old girl went into a bar. The police realized she did not have an ID, and arrested her.

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Why did lil' Jenny fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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What did the chair say to the guy? Nothing, as it is a chair and chairs can't talk

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A dog walks into a bar, the dog is assisting his blind owner

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Why did the Chicken cross the Road? To get to the other side! (To fully appreciate the subtle nuisances of this joke, you really have to be a chicken.)

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THE GAME

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What's black and dangerous? A fridge, I lied about the black part.

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A girl walked into a bar and sat next to a man. She asked what he was drinking. He said something that makes you fly. She didn't believe him. He then went up to the roof, jumped off and walked back in the front door. She got the drink then tried to jump off the roof, and died on impact. The bartender said to the man "You're a real asshole when you're drunk superman."

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Its Eliza, hope you are still there, would you mind getting here sooner? This site is not safe, besides its cold here, I mean send somebody else if you got to, I might look frail but Nero taught me a thing or two, so I can honestly say that Nero taught me better than you guys just in case. Funny you say there is no code, yet add three, yeah you better expect nothing "fancy", Mr.Torture dungeon master. Honestly though I do not blame you, and if I really meant you where a psycho, I would not have agreed/asked you showed up, I am serious I need to get out of here.

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What do you call cheese that isn't your's Well it would depend on what type of cheese it actually is

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And riiight after you... Hey its always ladies first.

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Wake up in the morning feeling like... Helen Keller

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There are 10 fish, 5 of them drown, how many are left? 10, fish can't drown

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When life gives you lemons, you are probably crazy because life cannot give you lemons.

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Did you hear about the human cannonball who lost his job? Circus attendance is on the decline, as people are spending less money on entertainment, due to a slow economy and poor consumer confidence. Because the circus owners paid him under the table, he did not qualify for unemployment and was force to take a job at Hardies. He has a drinking problem and suffers from depression.

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how many black people does it take to complete the simplest task such as washing their own hair? A shitload! thats why slavery was so populer back in the day. (and gays were big then to because they had to shower together to remember to wash their hair.)

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Q: What's big, yellow and can't swim? A: A school bus full of children.

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how do you get a cat out of a tree? shoot it

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Whats the difference between a person with cancer and breakfast? Breakfast is important

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops