Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead. Q2: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A2: It was nailed to the first one. Q3: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A3: Peer pressure.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

there's a blonde and a brunette jumping out of a plane, what one hits the ground first? they both hit at the same time because gravity pulls everything down towards the earth at the same pace

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the Jews go into the shower? Because they had just finish a basketball game and they needed to freshen up.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

The snails are salting one by one Hurrah! Hurrah! They fizzle up until they're gone Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting two by two Hurrah! Hurrah! They melt until there's only goo Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting three by three Hurrah! Hurrah! Some shells and slime is all I see Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die! The snails are salting four by four Hurrah! Hurrah! We shaker-salt them even more Hurrah! Hurrah! We salt the snails and hear their wails As they melt and die!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down, and orders a drink. After giving the pirate a drink, the bartender looks down and notices that there is a steering wheel on the pirate's penis. "Sir, are you aware that there is a steering wheel on your penis?" The bartender asked. "Arrrrrrr, it's driving me crazy!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon," said the bartender, "It looks very uncomfortable and could be dangerous to your health...not to mention your penis is out in the open." "Yes, you are probably right," the pirate agreed. He proceeded to get a ride from a friend to the nearest hospital, for drinking and driving can be dangerous, and steering wheels on penises are not safe.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many police does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they all beat the room for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man arrives at his work late, his boss says "why are you late?" Then man replys "...................." he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

man: hey whats that in the corner? Bartender: thatssteve his wife left him and he is trying to drown his saddness is addiction.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

how does a chinese chick check if she's pregnant? swallows a rubix cube and if it comes out solved shes pregnant

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If all ziggles are zaggles and all zaggles are zumbles, then why is your mother a whore?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin get in the car.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

knock knock Goodbye

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Edward Smith had started telling a long rambling joke when William McMaster Murdoch cut him off with "I don't like where this is headed".

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many elephants can you fit in a mini? None. There are no affordable cars large enough to fit a fully grown elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do baseball and The Holocaust have in common? They're both sports, except for the The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "Never-mind that, you've got AIDS.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats better than Anti-jokes? Mtiscape.com

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Don't make jokes about the Holocaust. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell off a watchtower.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the fish look like a human? Because it was a person, drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Finding two worms. What's worse than finding two worms in your apple? Dying from cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops