- Anti Joke

Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

Q- How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A- You Poke Her Face

Why did the fridge break? Because someone threw a fridge at it.

what do eagles and moles have in common? they both live underground except for the eagle!

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse responds "I have cancer"

A schizophrenic walks into a bar. He has dual personalities and does not realize that he has murdered his family.

What did Justin beiber get for Christmas? A dildo.

Alright so an elite group of Navy Seals walk into a mansion. They open fire on Osama Bin Laden and kill him.

How do you get Suzy to get off the swing? Ask her to move.

Q: How do you stop a black man from drowning? A: Quit peeing in his mouth.

What did the statue say to the other statue? stat-you?

A knock knock B who's there A nobody

What's worse than the holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

A black man, an Asian man, and a Mexican man jump off a bridge. They were all suffering from chronic depression and couldn't take the pressures of life anymore.

Knock knock. Who's there? Navy Seals. BOOM waiting "Yeah, he's dead." -Navy Seals

Moral: Sure, your number is the one that ends with 853 right? Do not reply if I am right. Moral2: BECAUSE TOP COMMENT... AND SERIOUSLY, THAT NUMBER BETTER END WITH 69 AFTER I CALL YOU! DO NOT REPLY

Who has no penis Religious Believers

What's black and white and red all over? A skunk in a blender.

Why did little Suzie spill her drink? Since birth she has lacked a jaw

Why did the man walk into the grocery store? Because he had run out of peanut butter

A man serves his wife dinner. She laughes and tells him it tastes funny. He then procedes to tell her that is because he put large amounts of poision into the food.

what do you call it when justin beiber makes a sex tape with selina gomez? lesbian porn.

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A Jew is a person who adheres to the Jewish faith and claims a cultural or ancestral connection to the Jewish people, and a pizza is an oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, depending on taste and culture.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops