What did the boy with asthma say to his friend I can't breath

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A duck walks up to a lemonade stand and says to the man nothing. Because It's a duck.

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Two monkeys are sittin in a bathtub. The first monkey says to The second, "HEY! pass the soap." The second says to the The first monkey, "DUDE. thats not soap, its a typewriter!!!!"

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Q: Whats Red And Has Socks? A: An Apple, I Lied About The Socks..

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Whats cold and can't climb trees? Refrigerator

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Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. I don't know, I've had a bad day, I can't think straight. Why do you keep asking me these questions? Always talking at me, everyday it's the same - why can't you just shut up?! I would be better off dead, then it would stop, this suffocating blackness. I need to escape...I'm going to do it tonight...pills, something like that...I don't care any longer. Goodbye.

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What do you say to a confused blond? You help her with her conundrum.

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Why did the small child cry? He was forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint.

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Or something... Volume one. What do you do if you are in the jungle and get confronted by one jaguar to your left, and one tiger at the right and got only one bullet left in your gun? You shoot the Jaguar and drive home in the tiger.

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Q: How did the black man get to the first branch on the tree? A: He climbed, like the average person.

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What do you say to a rock? Meow

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Roeses Are Red Violets Are Blue He's The One For Me And Not For You, And If You Try To Take My Place I Will Take My Fist And Smash Your Face(:

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If you're havin' girl problems I feel bad for you son, your mother and I once had those problems but we got through it.

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Sad reality is that, you have a tab open just for ponies don't you?

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? -absolut vodka Well, you have a sirious drinking problem...

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If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first? Who cares?

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Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed. Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that, it was no problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint. "Can of PAINT!" exclaimed the minister. "Yeah," said the newlywed man. "She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over." The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church. "That's okay," said the man. "We're not welcome in Home Depot either."

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a man walks off of a damn. a damn is not a noun, thus nobody can walk off it

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what worse then stepping on a lego? watching your son kill your wife

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A blind man walks into a bar. It was a book shop.

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What did the asian do with his homework? finish it. as is expected from children his age.

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Q)A man and a women are hiking on a mountain trail. A bear appears. What do they do? A) Die.

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What's black and blue and hates sex? The unfortunate child in a pedophile's basement who the police have yet to find.

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How do you get babys to paint a house? depends on how hard you throw them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops