Want to burn 3000 calories in under 5 MINUTES? Take a store bought pizza and put it in the over for as long as you want. Just watch the calories burn away in a puff of smoke!

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What's brown and sticky? A black man covered in syrup.

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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How do you stop a friendly bear from bouncing up and down on your front lawn? Shoot it in the neck.

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. I just bought a new xbox.

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An obese man walked into McDonalds and ordered 6 Big Macs. He proceeded to walk to a booth in the back corner and eat them all. Turns out he was white.

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How do you kill a deer? You don't, you just let it be because that's what a decent human being would do.

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Question what is blue and floats Answer everything that is blue that foes not sink

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My girlfriend told me I couldn't satisfy her sexually. I told her she was beautiful and gave her flowers.

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roses r red violets r blue u jumped in the air and saw a planet to

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Have you heartd about the blond that confused winow putty for KY jelly? Her windows fell out.

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What do you call a blond reading a book? A blond reading a book.

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What's the difference between Newt Gingrich's cat and a hand grenade? Gingrich's cat is a domesticated quadriped mammal, a hand grenade is a small bomb that can be thrown by hand

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whats the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? I take my shoes off to jump on the trampoline

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I climbed through your window, I'm under your bed

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How do you kill a turtle? You can't, it has a shell for a reason.

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A bunch of kids are in a treehouse. The treehouse falls out of the tree and kills everyone in the treehouse and the two little girls playing underneath. It was sad.

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How do you know when your sister's on her period? Your dad's dick tastes like blood

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Knock, knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who?

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knock knock - "who's there" - "i'm a escaped convict who's here to murder you and rob your house" - "Well come in the doors already open"

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What's green and brown, and if it fell out of a tree on you it would kill you? A billiard table?

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roses are red violet is blue why rik go to the hospital ? cause he eat glue.

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Why couldn't the blonde turn on the TV? The TV was broken.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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