A German and an American walk into a bar. George W. Bush got hurt, but Albert Einstein didn't.

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What's your star sign? Cancer. Oh you're gonna die. AWKWARD.

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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yarn

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Yo momma is so fat, that after boarding an airplane the flight crew respectfully asked her to deboard, as with her on board the plane would be exceeding the reccomended weight, and thus be unable to fly safely.

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What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer and the other is a watermelon.

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Why didn't Hitler go to heaven? He killed millions of jews and was an atheist.

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What is green and had wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.....

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Michael J Fox may not be able to draw a perfect circle but he sure can jerk off like a champ

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What do you get when you cross a baby and a chainsaw? Life imprisonment.

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When writing haikus Sometimes, I miscount the syllables See, that line has eight.

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I put the word **** in a post. Anti Joke starred it and the joke didn't make sense anymore.

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What did Wonder Woman say to Superman? I'm wonder woman.

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What is more addictive than World Of Warcraft? Heroin

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Why did the train stop? - It was surrounded by elephants

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Why did the bartender refuse to let the black man in ? Because the bar was about to close.

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What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

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A black guy wearing a mask runs into a store, points his gun at the cashier, steals some money and runs out. The police start an investigation the following morning

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No reason.

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What did the boy reading a book do? He finished the book and took it back to library.

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why are you reading these jokes? i have nothing else to do. ok

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An Indian lady is pushing her child down a footpath in a stroller whilst leading her dog. A refridgerator lands on the mother. Why did the Chinese man behind her cry? Because loss of life is a frantic event and having witnessed such an event he was deeply shocked. He was also sad that no dogs were killed. This is because a dog killed his wife in a freak accident and he has held a grudge against the species ever since.

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Whats wrong Nero? What happened? Please pick up the phone, I am trying to call you, but it just goes from dialing to changing tunes, please do not be upset with me, what did I do wrong? I thought we had an understanding, please just pick up the phone, if you already have my number and all you got nothing to lose...

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A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

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It got hit by a rocket.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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