Why was the drunk man arrested? he beat his wife and was sentenced too 3 months in federal prison

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Two lifelong friends walk into the locl Bar and each order a Beer. " So how's life treating ya?" Phil replies, " Well Doug, I've got Stage Four Lung Cancer. I'm going to Die, remember?" Unfortunately, Doug doesn't remember because Doug has a Brain Tumor.

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Why did Madona rub shit on her vagina? Because she was horny.

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Rebecca Black walks into a bar. The bartender refuses to serve her because she is not yet 21.

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What's funnier than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans.

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How many polish people does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. The polish are a civilized and prosperous country.

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How many Jews do you have to kill in order to make a museum? 6 Million.

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Knock knock "Who's there?" "Bark bark" "Bark Bark who?" "Bark bark bark bark bark bark."

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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What happens if you an 3ft size olive, a glob of red paint and rainbow colored glue on a table and rub your arm in it? You get olive, red paint and glue on your arm.

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CAVE JOHNSON.

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What's the difference between a book. A tree's leaves hit the trash cans

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This one time, at band camp, I played the trumpet.

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How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, If a wood chuck could chuck wood? A full study has never been commissioned into the amount of wood chucked by a groundhog and thus far remains an unknown quantity. ls

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What does the gay man do while he is taking a shower with many other men in a prison or a gym? Lathers soap all over his body to clean himself so he is not smelly.

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What did the pitcher say to the batter who hit the ball very far? Wow, you hit that ball very far.

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one day ill be as old as you but you'll be older then too.

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just imagine like a whole dad no imagine like 1000 dads an army of dads ready to conquer

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In what way are a pile of deceased children and a Ferrari F430 similar? Neither can be found in my garage, nor anywhere under my possession. As for the Ferrari, this is an unfortunate truth. Due to Ferraris' high level of desirability, and to their low supply, the cost of one such car is much more than an average person can afford. As for the pile of deceased children, anyone in possesion (for lack of a better term, as one can not truly possess another human being, even post mortem) of such a grotesque thing is probably too sick and twisted to be submitting jokes with no apparent climax in hopes of stimulating the minds of the joke's readers sense of humor.

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Q: Whats worse than 5,000,000 African Americans being killed? A: 1 White person being killed

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What did the Orange say to the Apple? Nothing. Both of them are lifeless objects, thus lacking the ability to speak.

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Chuck Norris is so strong, he can probably lift more than 80 pounds

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Man 1: Is your refrigerator running? Man 2: Nope, broke last week.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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