Chuck Norris has appeared in several action films.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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dickdickvdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick

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What did hitler give his granddaughter? A gas bill.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I was diagnosed as criminally insane Wanna be my friend?

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Pickles are powerful

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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A Mormon walks into a bar

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They didn't stop pulling my hair i didn't stop pulling the trigger

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Why so serious? Your brother died.

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Why did the little boy cry? He fell down the stairs

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what do you when a black guy gives you a muffin. you eat it because he was your waiter.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I shot your valentine Straight in the head

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How many plumbers does it take to unscrew a lightbulb? Plumbers don't do that. Electricians do.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Why was the napkin wet? Some water was on it

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What did one wall say to the other? Nothing. Walls can't talk.

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why did the black man apply for a job at kfc? His family was in debt after the loss of his father.

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Is maynaise an instrument?

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David Cameron

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What would you do if your penis disintegrated? Never mate again.

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How do you stop a car from hitting a kid? You don't.

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Yo momma so fat she couldn't even fit in a house

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I don't know which one is emptier my bank account or my love life

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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