Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Yes, are you on a horse? No. Oh...

thumb_up thumb_down

I pulled a disabled girl in the pub last night. The handle on her wheelchair was caught in my jacket.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did Anne Frank say to the Nazis who found her? Please be gentle.

thumb_up thumb_down

Guy A walks into a bar and sits down beside guy B, they quickly spark up a quick conversation about golf, Guy B says "i hit the ball so hard, it soared 200 yards", Guy A quickly responds by saying "I hit your mom so hard!" Guy B responds "the jokes on you, my mom has herpes"

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the duck say when it saw a puddle? Nothing.Ducks are uncapable of speaking human speech.

thumb_up thumb_down

Yo mama's so fat, she had a lap-band procedure.

thumb_up thumb_down

Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

thumb_up thumb_down

a murderer sees a young child left alone at a park... he promptly finds the childs mother and returns her to her home.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Why can't sally play on the swing? A: Because she has no arms Q: Who was the first to climb mount everest? A: Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was suicidal.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why was Little Bobby sad? He just superglued Uranus to his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because animals walking across a paved street is a very common occurrence ever since the industrialization of the modern world.

thumb_up thumb_down

If people are freaking out about this Kony guy I cant wiat to see the look on their faces when they check in my crawl space.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the man with tourettes yell on an airplane? He yelled bomb, and was gunned down by 2 federal marshals, one of which's stray bullets happened to hit a small child with autism.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimer's Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimer's

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a black man who sells drugs? A pharmacist.

thumb_up thumb_down

Don't make jokes about the Holocaust. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell off a watchtower.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down

why did the old lady come home late? she got raped.

thumb_up thumb_down

what did the guy say when his partner took a poop on his chest? It was unnecessary for you to deficate onto my chest. In no way at all was that sexually stimulating, and i shall consider seeking out a new partner.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks into a bar at 1 in the afternoon. He's the bartender and a fellow employee asked him to cover the afternoon shift.

thumb_up thumb_down

A man walks into a bar. He gets drunk, goes home, and beats his wife and kids.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a blue chair A black person

thumb_up thumb_down

when life gives you lemons... squeeze the juice into your eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops