how many babies does it take o paint a house depends on how hard you throw them

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What did the man say when he was stabbed on the street? Nothing, because he died.

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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what didn't I do when making this joke? Read and agree to the terms of service.

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Why did the small child cry? He was forced to dig his own grave at gunpoint.

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What is white and flies upwards? A retarded Snowflake.

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i need teepee for my bunghole! jlr

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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Why cant the guy drink his beer Because he hasnt opened it yet

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A seal walks into a club. The poacher continues to beat the seal to death.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7 8 9. I'm just counting

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Boy: Your father must be an alien, because there’s nothing else like you on earth! Girl: *whispering* please don't tell anyone we are trying not to be noticed...

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A dog is always in the pushup position.

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A hairy monster walks into a bar. It was halloween.

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Why did the girl start crying? Her pet sunflower had just died.

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The man and the women were doing something. What are you looking? They just talked

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Where would it be hard to find handicapped parking? At the paralympics.

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AND

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what`s green and flys a plain i was kidding about the green

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs? An amputee

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have altzeimer's, Cheese on toast

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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Whatever his name happens to be.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Sasquatch. Sasquatch who? ROAR

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Why do women like NASCAR? They don't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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