Dave: Hi John! John: I have Aids.

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united we sit, cause we're fat

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Whats the differents between a red farrari and a dead baby? I dont have a red farrari in my garage;)

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Why did Jesus cross the road? He didn't. He's dead.

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What did Jeff do to the bench? He sat on it

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What did the black man do in the Italian Pub? He gave a 20% tip and couldn't have been more courteous.

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whats worse than a dog biting you? two dogs biting you whats worse than that? the Holocaust whats worse than that three dog bites and one of them happens to have rabies

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What do you call a dick with blonde hair? Joffrey Baratheon.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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One night, a heartbroken magician named Jeff went to a bar. Jeff met a nice girl, and they talked and laughed together for hours. After a while, Jeff asked her, "do you want to see a magic trick?" She ate his wiener.

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "Yes, with proper medical attention and rest, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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How do you make a Hispanic man sad? Answer: steal everything he has until he has nothing

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How do you starve a black man? You deny his foodstamps ~Katie&Lena&Shelbey(:

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What is useless and over-payed? Our government.

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Always do, always will, I have overcome far worse, doctor told my mother when I was born (without a heartbeat) that I was dead, and if they somehow managed to get me breathing again (heart beating etc) I would have suffered so much brain damage that I would not have a concious mind, in other words I would never have been able to learn anything, not to speak nor to type... ...Gotta say I pretty much fucking disagree with the "good" old doctor, and for the record, my heart is as healthy as... Healthy can be I am ambidextrous, but because of this eyedrum mutant thing of mine, I cant tell left from right, because well, to my radar senses both are left and right. Sorry if I am not making much sense here, just bleed a bit out of my nose, had it been from my ears, things could have gotten ugly, but no, its all good.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? That boy that dropped a perfectly good ice cream cone from a road accident involving a bus due to lack of road safety awareness Oh yeah, and I guess the fact that he probably died or was injured for life is pretty bad too

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How do you know when a Captcha defect causes you to post the same anti-joke three times? Canteloupe.

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What do you call 5 black guys at the bottom of the ocean? scuba divers

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Whats the difference between a person with cancer and breakfast? Breakfast is important

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What's got eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs head.

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What did the dog say to the human? Nothing really. Dogs technically "speak" through barking.

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Q: Whats the deifference between me and you A: The fact that im the beautiful one -RDV

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Why did the sperm swim back? cos he realised that he was in someones anus!

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Do you need a life...? You can borrow mine! lol JUBIE! :()

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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