Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's brown and sticky? A black man covered in syrup.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why do so many people troll on the internet? Because Hitler was awesome!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do a spoon and a platypus have in common? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Want to burn 3000 calories in under 5 MINUTES? Take a store bought pizza and put it in the over for as long as you want. Just watch the calories burn away in a puff of smoke!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: why was the cat naked? A: its owner was drunk and thought he was shaving his own head.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

I had a quad when I was in high school, she was pretty but it was hard to get her out of the wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats worse than getting hit by a bus? Getting hit by two busses.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

My son made a tree fort, it burned down.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

So a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of this joke, but your mom is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

So a seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What floats in the toilet and looks like a log? A log.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How does God choose who goes to heaven? I'm just kidding, there's no God.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

It's porn, we all knew that, do you have something interesting to say?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

look this kid up on facebook and spam him!! its funny, Josh Noonan, also his cell number is 603 560 3399....

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Have you heard the one about the monkey who jumped off the roof? Neither have I.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Your momma's so dumb she graduated high school with a C average.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How do you make a clown sad? Brutally murder his children.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

A Finnish guy and a Russian guy go into a sauna. The Russian died.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what do you call a man with no arms or legs jetskiiing? I don't know but it seems a highly improbably situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the puerto rican cross the road? To get back to his country, but then he realized there wasn't a road then fell in the ocean and drowned.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops