A man walks into a bar. Because he's had a rough day, he asks the barender for a drink. Then another... Then another... (continued) The man walks out of the bar and goes to his car. He starts to drive back to his house. He wobbly makes turns and closes his eyes every 5 seconds or so. He also talks to his boss on his phone for the majority of the ride. Surprisingly enough, he makes it home safely and doesn't harm anyone else despite the large amount he had to drink. He stumbles into his apartment and goes up to his room. He slumps down onto his bed on his back very heavily, causing the room to shake a bit. He opens his eyes, only to find his glass shandelier falling from directly above his face. His body was found by his girlfriend the next morning. I guess there's no real moral to the story then... Maybe it's: You can drink and drive, but don't put a shandelier directly above your bed... I guess? Wow. What are the odds?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What happened when the Mexican lays his head on a pillow? He falls asleep

thumb_up thumb_down +6

That awkward moment when the moment is awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why was the black man crying? His wife left him, took his children, and most of his possessions in the divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

two penguins are hanging out in Antartica. the one looks to the other an says "man its really cold out" the other quicky waddles away because of the strange alien sound its friend just made

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock Knock Who's there? Ben, you just called me. Aren't we supposed to go jogging. Oh yea, I lost track of time. Is it cold out? Yea it is. You should bring a jacket. Alright, can you get me a water? Yea, no problem. Thankyou.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? lts of stuff like murder, rape, slavery, poverty, mindcontrol, mass genocide, the holocaust, racism, plagarism, physichal assault, war, terrorism, massacres, onsloughts, necrophillia, the dead rising, zombies, jokes on antijokes.com, awkward situations, dieing, cancer, ADHD, other mental illnesses, paint, the grim reaper, shinigami, stereotyping foreigners, prejudicism, bullying, armed robbery, hacking, viruses, incest, feral animals, getting lost in the forest, arsonry, pyromania, passing out in a bar, meeting a serial killer, and finding 2 worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

25 kids go into the water. shark in the water. 10 come out. Ice cream man deals with the rest of 'em.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Three men went out for a night on the town, one had too much to drink and was forced to take a cab home.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Where did suzie go for her Birthday? A van

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When life gives you melons, your dyslexic

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of tequila. He later goes home drunk and beats his wife. His wife is getting a divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are *yanks hair* Violets are *yanks hair* *sobs and yanks hair* I have tricolomania

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? HE WAS DEAD STUPID IDIOT.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the man say to the cat. ~It doesn't matter it impossible for 2 Species to Communicate between one another.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why can't Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has Parkinsons..

thumb_up thumb_down +6

that awkward moment when there is no candy in the van.....

thumb_up thumb_down +6

why was allison crying? because her mom's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what did the crow say do the dead gazelle? - nothing the crow ate it

thumb_up thumb_down +6

An Englishman walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats funnier than a guy in a wheelchair? A guy on the floor squirming to get back in his wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what do you call a guy that looks exactly like Mario. Frank because thats his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Mr. Wonder, optimism is seeing the glass as half full, pessimism as seeing the glass half empty, and realism as not seeing the glass at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What time is it in China right now? I have no idea, it would depend on when you are reading this. Perhaps you should look at a world clock, watch, or some other sort of time-telling device rather than humorous website. Its purpose is not to tell time. However, there are many other places for this. Good luck surfing the web, friend. I have aided you the best that I can. I only hope that you will find what you are looking for.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops