I'm a lion hear my threat **** you ***** and then go **** yourself. if your scared and you know it and you really want to show it crap your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call 5,000 black people at the bottom of the ocean? A large quantity of African Americans who drowned to their death in the sea.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the carrot jumped over the fence? It didn't. Carrots do not have the physical ability to jump.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because her dad pushed her too hard -Knock knock -Who's there? -Suzie, I'm dead now with a knife through my neck and I'm ready to kill you since you didn't forward that chain letter, now hold still so I can chop off your toes one by one and peel your skin off then leave a bloody mess for your parents -k

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the racist black man say to the white man? Nothing they both died in a car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do you wear at a funeral? white. lol jk black

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A blonde walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What're you drinking?" The blonde says, "Nothing yet. That's why I'm in a bar. But your lack of basic observation skills is disturbing."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I wrote a joke for 'Anti-Joke', I laughed, it was funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did a black man enter a KFC? Because he had been in town a while and had grown hungry over the period of walking around, and decided he should get some food to satisfy his hunger so he may continue his journey around town. The fact he entered KFC is purely coincidental, as he could've easily decided to go to a different eatery, but it just so happens that the closest one was a KFC.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A monkey walks into a bar. Monkeys are always funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats in a red suit with a white beard and jolly......st.nick jerking of and blowwing a load in your stocking while taking a shit on you coffee table before theen hanging it back up over the fire place

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If gluttony is a serious sin, why are so many Christians fat? Because they have bad eating habits.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Did you hear about the guy who lost his arm and leg in a car crash? Well, he just died in hospital. RIP.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

yo mama is so fat that when she stepped on the scale she exclaimed "wow, i'm overweight" she then proceeded to eat a cupcake to mask her pain.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A disabled man walked into a- That can't be right

thumb_up thumb_down +3

how many jews fit in an oven? none, its illegal to put a person in an oven....

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If Voldemort was gay who would be his partner? Happy potter

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you say to a cashier? How much is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what's hotter than my cousin's girlfriend? I don't know. she's remarkably hot. like, one of the hottest people I personally know.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's better than seeing a Detroit Lions game? Not being in Detroit.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

You: Want to hear a joke? Person: Yeah You: Me too

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What has got 56 eyes, 1 leg and 3 arms ? I don't know but that's right behind you.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops