how do you kill a man? slowly saw off all their limbs and then jump up and down on the torso and let all the organs fly out

thumb_up thumb_down -17

how many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? 2 one to hold the latter and one to put it in

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Which does does the Mississippi River flow in? Liquid.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red,Lemons are sour,Open your legs and give me an hour.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Doctor: I'm sorry about your disease, young man. It looks like your time is up. Man: NO! How much time to I have? Doctor: Five. Man: Five years? Five months? Five weeks? Doctor: Four... Three...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you stop a black man from spitting? People of all races and colours are quite within their right to spit on their own property whenever they wish. However if anyone spits on or near you, you could report him to the police, but don't expect to be taken seriously.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Get in the car."

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

In 1843 when Man invented the moon, people set sail on ironclad ships to lands that sold items that weren't for sale in similar such stores in other lands not reachable by ironclad ships or dirigibles as they became known once they changed form completely and were a differentobject entirely and of no use for water transport. That's when the real revolution in telecommunications began, the truck drivers would use CB radios as early as 1287 and 1276 in Canada. the CB radio enabled the users to order pizza and develop symbiotic relationshiops with canvas. Amongst other things.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

If a man is alone in the woods and there is no one there to tell he's wrong is he right? If a tree falls on a women.... Before we tell the rest why was there a tree I the kitchen?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is red? A rock painted red

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Seriously, all your new jokes are shit. They are either repeats of stuff previously on the site or they are just so unfunny you'd struggle to get a sympathy laugh from your mother. Please actually take the time to think of something worth submitting or do not submit at all. We know people with no arms can't knock on doors enough now, and many things are better than the holocaust. Do something new!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What starts with Pu and ends with Y, And homosexuals tend not to like them. "Pushy" People.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red Pickles are green I leik ur legs and whats inbetween

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A mum and a dad were having guests round for dinner. The daughter overheard them arguing. Dad was calling mum a b*tch and mum was calling dad a b*stard. The daughter asked them what it meant and they just said, "oh, it just means ladies and gentlemen". Later, when mum was doing her makeup, she dropped it and said oh "sh*t". Daughter asked what it meant and mum replked "it's just another word for makeup". After that, dad dropped the turkey and said "oh, F*ck!" Daughter asked what it meant and he replied "its another word for cooking". When the guests arrived, the daughter answered the door, and said "hello b*tches and b*stards. Mums upstairs stuffing sh*t on her face and dads in the kitchen f*cking the turkey".

thumb_up thumb_down -17

My friend was in court for stealling smoothies so i told him to plead innocent and received 10 years in a federal prison and a fine of up too £5000 pounds

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Im gay What about you

thumb_up thumb_down -17

So the man goes to the doctor and the doctor tells the man " you will have to quit masturbating " So the man asks " why" And the doctor said " so I can examine you "

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why couldn't Johnny drive? Because he had no arms or legs. Why didn't he have any arms or legs? Because Johnny was a potato.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do I hate? people

thumb_up thumb_down -17

old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers old man: hi old woman: i have alshemiers

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is the difference between a mallard with a cold and you? One is a sick duck I forget how this ends, but your mother is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a Mexican that swam across the border? An illegal immigrant.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops