How long does it take for a dead baby to explode in the microwave? I don't know; I was too busy masturbating.

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The first few weeks of joining weight-watchers...you're just finding your feet.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Q: Guess what my Mom and Dad did last Night on the Kitchen Table.... A: Had Dinner.

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what is worse than finding finding an apple in your worm? Finding your peanut shells in your peanut.

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was dead. Why'd the other monkey fall out of the tree? Cus he was stapled to the dead monkey!

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Why did I lose a card game to a cat? Cause he was a cheetah!

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Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

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What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

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Why did the blind man have a poo Because he needed one.

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what happens when an unstoppable force hits an unmovable object? it goes around.

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hear hear

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What's the diffrents between a horse and a zebra? WELL clearly there names duh.

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A black guy walked in to a gas station, walked up to the counter and payed for his items with his debit card.

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What's purple, red, green and does jumping jacks. Nothing... that sounds pretty crazy if you ask me.

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What's a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everything.

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why did the long term smoker suddenly stop smoking? Because he had a heart attack.

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Dakota Fanning

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why is dog animal? it is not fish! 18 fits of has hair only have is Buddhist

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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Why did the man buy his wife expensive flowers? It was their anniversary and he is a faithful husband.

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How many seeds does a watermelon have? None. It is seedless.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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