What did batman say to robin before getting into the bat mobile? Don't touch my penis.

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An unarmed man robbed a bank today, he failed because he had no way of carrying the cash out.

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Do you know what is worse than getting kicked downstairs? Getting kicked upstairs because then you could fall downstairs and break your skull.

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Q: What do you call a dog with metal balls and two-inch legs? A: Animatronic

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Who's on first? Garvey.

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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Why did the depressed man commit suicide? Its typical of a depressed person.

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How are jello and frankenstein alike? Both green, both alive, and bill cosby didn't make me want either.

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What's 2+2? Gonorrhea

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"Hey want to hear the best knock-knock joke ever." "Sure." "Ok you start." "Knock-knock." "Whos there?" "..........."

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What happened when an FBI agent and a cop argued over control of a hostage situation? Several people including a respected community leader were killed.

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Why couldn't 7 multiply itself by 18? Because there were two people having sex in between them.

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What do Richard and Judy have in common? Nothing.

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How did the Mexican get into the United States? He showed his passport, and the correct documents & information, and was admitted into the country as a new American citizen.

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What did the kid with no brain get for his birthday? Nothing because nobody thought that he would do anything with the toys because he couldn't think of what to do with them.

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A blindman walks into a bar... then a chair, then a pole

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Friends are like trees, They fall down if you hit them several times with an axe.

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Rose: Mummy, why did you name me Rose? Mother: Because a rose fell on your head when you were a baby Daisy: Mummy, why did you name me Daisy? Mother: Because a daisy fell on you when you were a baby Fridge: durr hurr Mother: Shut up, Fridge

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Generator? One powers your house...and then there's the generator.

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Yo momma is so ugly, that your father can no longer stand her. They are getting divorced.

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so... how about that airplane food

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What do you call a group that has a microphone, a bass, two guitars and a drum kit? A Band

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What did the dyslexic say to the nun? When I write, I typically misplace letters in words.

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Why was the young Jewish boy afraid at camp? Because his scoutmaster is a pedophile.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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