Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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What is worst than 1 baby dead in a microwave? 2 babies dead in the same microwave !

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Roses are red Violets are blue You think this will rhyme But it's not gonna

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* Why is this dog barking? * Because he's a dog, if he were a cat it would meow.

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What's big, black, and just knocked an 8 year old girl off of her bike? The refrigerator I just threw at her. (not all are white you know)

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what is long black and smelly the welfare line

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Why was the lady afraid of cooking? Because her husband always beat her with a frying pan

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How do you stop a dog from barking? Cut it's head off

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What's green and frolics in the forest? A flock of cucumbers.

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A girl walked into a bar and sat next to a man. She asked what he was drinking. He said something that makes you fly. She didn't believe him. He then went up to the roof, jumped off and walked back in the front door. She got the drink then tried to jump off the roof, and died on impact. The bartender said to the man "You're a real asshole when you're drunk superman."

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Why did the monkey eat the pineapple? IDK, ask Sam D

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Knock knock. Who isn't there? Not me. Don't come in. I won't.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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What do you call people in a plane crash? Whatever, i wasn't on the plane.

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What did the woman with a terminal illness get for Christmas? A diagnosis.

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How do you make a Child cry? Slaughter his dog and feed it to him convincing him its Chili

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What did one sausage say to the other? Nothing. Sausages don't talk...

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Q. What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A. An horse.

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What do you call justin bieber haveing sex with a lady? A dream

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Two fish are in a tank. The first one says, "How the heck do I drive this thing!".

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Knock knock? Who's There? I AMMM!!! (thumb this down please xD)

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What do you call an Islamic man fling a plane? A very frightened passenger who took over flying the plane when the pilot collapsed due to a heart attack

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Why can't Ray Charles see his friends? He's blind. Also he is dead.

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What's short and weak and has no life..........a Jordan pederson!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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