stephen hawking walks into a bar, and those who recognize him are shocked that he's no longer in his wheelchair, and approach him to let him know this, but it turns out they were wrong, it was just a man with similar facial features to stephen hawking.

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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Roses are Red Violets are blue I have short term memory loss Hey look thats my bike over there.

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Why is it bad luck for a black cat to cross your path? I'll tell you in Heaven

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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...................... Wats so funny?

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An automobile mechanic busted an engine fuse. A prostitute had oral sex with a Marine. An Inuit hunter detonated a sea mammal with TNT. What do they all have in common? They all blew a seal.

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What do you call a car that doesn't work? Broken.

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You go on Nero, he got all red, not sure if he is mad or ashamed or both, but we can all tell that man is jealous. Employee.

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Why's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding a golden ticket

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A lady walks into her bedroom and sees her boy friend having sex with another girl. She hears the phone ring and a voice says "your grandma died".

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What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and can drive a woman crazy? Money

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No, Sarah. You know your hooks scratch the keys.

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Whats funnier than a pile of dead babies nothing child abuse is not a funny matter.

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I honestly have no idea what is upsetting you, why would I lie about my name? Please don't leave, you do remember me don't you? Can I call you over?

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Why couldn't Sally ride a bike? She was disabled

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What did the green grape say to the purple grape? BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Knock knock. Who's there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said you'd never forget!

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Yo Mama's so fat that she is at risk for diabetes

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What's green and has wheels? The White House. I lied about everything, I'm so sorry.

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What's black and has a beary taste? A black bear.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a swing set in her backyard? Neither did she.

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PIED NINNY!

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Yo dawg, I heard you like cars. Thats cool, whats your favorite one?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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