the next time someone says "yolo" im going to pull out my shotgun and reply "sadly..."

What do you call something thats mostly made of wood, big, round and stupid A retarded version of the Knights of the round table

2 Scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for H20, and the second one asks for H20 too. They both enjoy a refreshing glass of water.

Q: What the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies A: I don't have a Porsche in my garage

Why did Ant Man die? He was shot by a gangster, duh.

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

An under aged girl walks into a bar. She couldn't have done so without a fake ID and early development.

Why did the man with no arms or legs fall out of the tree? Because he got shot.

What do you get when an elephant and a pig have baby? Nothing, mating between animals must take place between animals of the same species, thus making it impossible to cross these two animals

A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

What did the man say when he found out he had cancer? Nothing. He was so in shock, that he later died from another type of cancer.

A bear walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a gin... and tonic." The bartender says "AAAAHHH! A BEAR!!!" and calls animal control. Later after the beast has been tranquilized and carted away, he rationalizes having heard the bear speak as trauma-induced hallucination.

Knock knock Who's there? Prosti Prosti who? Prostitute

Your momma's so fat, she has just been diagnosed with Chronic renal failure.

what did the farmer say when he lost his red tractor?

Me and my family won courtside tickets to the World Finals basketball game! ...WNBA...

Hi. P.S: You have aids. P.P.S: Purple penis pumpernickel pie puppets.

What do you get when you mix hydrochloric acid and a humans digestive track? Death.

Friends are like potato, when you eat them die.

My love life

And so the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life," but John came fifth, and won a toaster instead.

Why don't Batman go to an Ozzy Osbourne concert? Because Batman doesn't exist.

An Asian tries to climb a staircase in a wheelchair. He finds this difficult, because he is in a wheelchair.

Whats blue and white and red all over? The American flag

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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