Waiter, there is a hydrogen conducting carbon nanotube in my soup. That is part of the special, sir.

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What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Unfortunately there are billions of chickens in the world and based on the question it is not possible to determine which specific chicken is being referred to. Even if we were able to ascertain this knowledge it would be unlikely that we could determine its purpose, as chickens don't usually make decisions based on logical thought.

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What do you call sad communities that have to share resources? Communists.

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Why was the black guy charged for murder? He killed his wife.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimer's Roses are red...

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Bride: "He went to Jared's!!! Ex: "But every Kiss Begins with Kay...."

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There is something fishy about.... the fish curry at home

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What did the Jew get for Christmas ....... An ashtray

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why did Helen Keller cross the road? she didn't, she wasn't able to find it

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A Christian and an atheist are in a bar. Neither one knows the other's religion and they continue to drink.

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And then Jesus turned the water into wine. Some did not approve of this miracle "masta, whut is da reezon you did aint make this into tha coolaid? Bible files: Directors cut.

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What did one apple say to the other apple? -Nothing, apples can't talk

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It's that time of the month again... ...to cut my toenails.

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the redsox

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ermm Hello ? what about me says rishi with a tear down his eye

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Why did the Egg turn Purple Because it didnt turn blue.

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A man is hungry so he gets on his coat and shouts : "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!". His wife says not to because the police say the rapist 'Eggman' is out again. He says he will be very careful. On his way he hears 'They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggmen-" and the man shouts: "AND I AM THE WAlRUS, SO GET THE HECK OUTTA MY FACE OR I WILL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" The Eggman and the man found two more people from Liverpool and formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band broke up.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why a man without hands and without legs want to stay in a barrel? He actually doesn't, but is unable to get out of it.

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What did the 20-year old woman say too the old man? HI GRANDPA!

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I just found my mum has Alzheimer's, I hope it isn't contagious cause my mum has it too

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No Nero, you see, a great man once told me that happiness is not something you look for and eventually find, but something that you decide that you already are.

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Roses are red, Your blood is too, Don't believe me? I WILL CUT YOU

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops