A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What do you call cheese that isn't your's Well it would depend on what type of cheese it actually is

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How do you make a Child cry? Slaughter his dog and feed it to him convincing him its Chili

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Why did the monkey eat the pineapple? IDK, ask Sam D

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What's green and frolics in the forest? A flock of cucumbers.

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. His family is struggling financially and his children are severely malnourished. If he wasn't an alcoholic, he could afford healthcare for his family and move into a better neighborhood. But he's not, so they will die a long, painful death.

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Why was the lady afraid of cooking? Because her husband always beat her with a frying pan

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whats the difference between a black guy and pizza? a pizza can feed a family.

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Knock knock. Who isn't there? Not me. Don't come in. I won't.

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Where does the Queen of England live? England.

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Q. What do you call a grammatically incorrect horse? A. An horse.

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How do you stop a dog from barking? Cut it's head off

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A girl walked into a bar and sat next to a man. She asked what he was drinking. He said something that makes you fly. She didn't believe him. He then went up to the roof, jumped off and walked back in the front door. She got the drink then tried to jump off the roof, and died on impact. The bartender said to the man "You're a real asshole when you're drunk superman."

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what did the Alaskan homeless man get for Christmas? Death

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What did one sausage say to the other? Nothing. Sausages don't talk...

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What did the woman with a terminal illness get for Christmas? A diagnosis.

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What do you call an Islamic man fling a plane? A very frightened passenger who took over flying the plane when the pilot collapsed due to a heart attack

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What do you call people in a plane crash? Whatever, i wasn't on the plane.

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What do you call justin bieber haveing sex with a lady? A dream

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Theres an irishman , scottish man and a welsh man on a plane they where going to france

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Why did the man wipe his bum with a sweat-shirt? Because they were all out of toilet paper

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

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Roses are red Violets are silly Grease up your flaps Cause here comes my willy!

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What's worse than a kid with a big head? Nothing you just look weird like Austin

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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